Unemployment Support Group
Recently unemployed or frustrated with the job search? Unemployment can affect more than just the bank account - it has a negative effect on motivation and self-esteem, even sense of identity. This community addresses the challenges associated with unemployment and how to cope.
Ive been unemployed for 18 months, within that time ive been applying fr jobs endlessly, its been a full time job looking and searching and applying, my days just run around that. I even joined 12 months ago an organisation that supports people with depression to find work, been going there for 12 months weekly , discussing my situation, applying for jobs, updating resume etc. We really need the money so desperately, let alone i needed to feel part of the community and life again. I am educated, experienced, worked most my life until i had kids, took time off to grow them up after I lost my first son, I wanted to be there for them ( i feared id lose them too if i wasnt). But now that i want to work again to bring in some income to help us get thru, no one gives me a chance.
well my sister who is 5 years younger than me scored an interview, bragged to me how its close to my home and in between school hours, i was happy for her but then she went on calling me with each interview experience, wow i passed the first and i have to go for a second and then omg i got thru and now i have to attend a third. She had a friend thats also put in a good word for her as he worked there for 20 years.
Then she called again, to tell me that she is disappointed that the company is taking too long with these interveiws and she found another job close to my home, in between school hours and she is going for that too. fair enough . but then she told me that a friend of hers told her about another job and asked if she would like that job.
well I cant get even an interview but she has them no matter where she turns. My sister admitted she does not need the money ( as her partner is very well off) but she is bored and would like to get out.
well i was nice and supportive but inside crushed.
Today she calls me again to ask for my advice, because she is confused, the job her friend told her about is for 6 weeks initially then its casual but it is paying a whopping $33 an hour, however she is confused because the other job that she believes she will definately get pays less but is secure long term, omg she said what should i do, i have all these offers and i dont know what to take.
I was shattered, being unemployed for 18 months has taken its toll on me, mentally crushed me and ive lost all belief that anyone will employ me or that im even employable. I lost all confidence and all self esteem and I seem to spend most my days at doctors or psychologists now days because of it.
Yet she who doesnt even need the money calls me and as a sister doesnt even take into consideration how I must be feeling, because its all about her and what should she do with all the offers that come to her as soon as she starts looking.
i might just be jealous, thats how she would see it, but it cut deep like a knife inside. I stayed supportive because i didnt want to sound jealous.
its like she rubbed it inn and was so happy because whenever she wants a job she just gets it immediately. She even commented on how this happened once before and when she goes for a job suddenly she is offered something elsewhere and doesnt know what to choose. We both are looking for office/ admin work, have had similar experience jsut with different companies.
When she found a job online she would always let me know she found it so i dont apply for the same position. (HOw sweet of her).
Maybe im just jealous , i dont know but it has hurt me so much and made me feel like more of a failure, when it happens so instantly for her and in 18 months no one will give me a chance.
well my sister who is 5 years younger than me scored an interview, bragged to me how its close to my home and in between school hours, i was happy for her but then she went on calling me with each interview experience, wow i passed the first and i have to go for a second and then omg i got thru and now i have to attend a third. She had a friend thats also put in a good word for her as he worked there for 20 years.
Then she called again, to tell me that she is disappointed that the company is taking too long with these interveiws and she found another job close to my home, in between school hours and she is going for that too. fair enough . but then she told me that a friend of hers told her about another job and asked if she would like that job.
well I cant get even an interview but she has them no matter where she turns. My sister admitted she does not need the money ( as her partner is very well off) but she is bored and would like to get out.
well i was nice and supportive but inside crushed.
Today she calls me again to ask for my advice, because she is confused, the job her friend told her about is for 6 weeks initially then its casual but it is paying a whopping $33 an hour, however she is confused because the other job that she believes she will definately get pays less but is secure long term, omg she said what should i do, i have all these offers and i dont know what to take.
I was shattered, being unemployed for 18 months has taken its toll on me, mentally crushed me and ive lost all belief that anyone will employ me or that im even employable. I lost all confidence and all self esteem and I seem to spend most my days at doctors or psychologists now days because of it.
Yet she who doesnt even need the money calls me and as a sister doesnt even take into consideration how I must be feeling, because its all about her and what should she do with all the offers that come to her as soon as she starts looking.
i might just be jealous, thats how she would see it, but it cut deep like a knife inside. I stayed supportive because i didnt want to sound jealous.
its like she rubbed it inn and was so happy because whenever she wants a job she just gets it immediately. She even commented on how this happened once before and when she goes for a job suddenly she is offered something elsewhere and doesnt know what to choose. We both are looking for office/ admin work, have had similar experience jsut with different companies.
When she found a job online she would always let me know she found it so i dont apply for the same position. (HOw sweet of her).
Maybe im just jealous , i dont know but it has hurt me so much and made me feel like more of a failure, when it happens so instantly for her and in 18 months no one will give me a chance.
As I read your post, I thought about how sometimes, if we really want to feel hurt, our families always seem to be able to step right up to home plate and hit it out of the park. Not knowing your sister, nor your relationship with her, I guess the first thing that came to my mind as I read your post was, "...what is she thinking?" And, I guess that's the problem - people just don't think sometimes when they're just blabbering away.
It just seems normal to me that, if I had a gazillion job choices, especially if I didn't really need to work anyway, and a family member/friend, etc., was dealing with being unemployed, especially long term unemployment, maybe sharing those gazillion job choices with that person wouldn't be the smartest or kind kindest thing to do. Unfortunately, so much of the time, people just open their mouths and words start pouring out, but, their brain is disengaged.
I guess a huge question I have for you concerning this is, as your sister is sharing these golden job opportunities with you, does she ever stop and ask you how YOUR job search is going? Does she ask you how you're holding up? Does she check to make sure you're not standing there ready to blow your brains out from the sheer, unyielding STRESS of it all???
Obviously, dealing with the issue with your sister is causing you to have these negative feelings, which just adds to the stress of being out of work and not exactly having employers trying to break down your door. (Don't I know it). My advice for you is - stop allowing this situation to tear you up inside. The next time your sister calls talking about this...hey, I've got an offer for $50 an hour this time!!!...just stay calm, but, stop her and just tell her how this is making you feel. You don't have to yell and scream, just calmly tell her how you feel. If she hasn't asked you about how you're dong and how your job search is going, tell her that. How she reacts to it is pretty much beside the point - the important thing is for you to just get your feelings out there.
Psychologists are well and good, and lord knows I've spent my time with them over the years, but, I've really come to believe that those serene little offices with the diplomas on the wall, the nice cushy seats and a box of tissues sitting at the ready would all go "poof" (along with their 200.00 an hour...I bet they do billable hours just like the attorneys do) if we would all just open our mouths and say, "...what you did hurt me...what you said hurt me. We need to talk about this...and, by the way, you've got some apologizing to do..."
I totally get the no one will give me a chance thing. I know it's an alluring thought, but, you're not a failure; hiring managers are just STUPID as hell, and half of them wouldn't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
Hang in there - and talk to your sister. You might want to start with something like, "...earth to sister - HELLO!! I'm hurting here!!!" Life does enough to try to drive us completely insane. Families are just there to finish off the job... : )
Hugs,
Janice