I stay at home and invite the people I like to my house for most of the events in my life. I do feel I am doing better than I have done in a very long time. But it still is not easy to face crowds. And just because I am paranoid does not mean I am not right most of the time. Trust should be earned ,not given. And there really is always an agenda. I have just come to realize that as long as my agenda is to quietly watch the people while barely socializing until I see whom I think ( due to vibes ...we all get them) is worth talking to. And always have your solace set up at home ( whatever you find the most comforting and calming ) set up for you to return to so you can unwind after all the mental stress. And honey ...love yourself !!! You are absolutely worth every smile you give yourself in the mirror.

I am doing really well considering where I was awhile back. I have forced myself to go outside my "comfort zone" and get involved in the community. I have been advocating for others and helping solve other peoples problems through my work. At the end of the day, I look back at all that I have done and all the people that I have worked with and tell myself; I am in a better place than that person is, atleast I have that. When I see the things that the people I work with have to struggle with, I feel pretty blessed to have BP, and a family. I am not homeless anymore, I have a job, and I have made something of myself. If it weren't for the tdoc, my job coach and pdoc, I wouldn't be at this calm state in my life.

I look at everyday as the first day of the rest of my life....whatever I screwed up today, will be erased tomorrow and I can start over anew.

Thank you for your in put you guys. Very few responses "what up" I am not homeless, I have people who love me anyway. Some days all I do is repeat what I am doing over and over in my head so I can complete a task or talk myself down from total dispair and panic. My life results to date have sucked. No good end results, but there is one thing I can say is somehow I did manage some good stuff with impossible odds Ive been unhappy my intire life anyway, OK lets figure this out. S

Yogx,

Check out Ekhardt Tolle's book A New Earth. I think it will help you imensly with the self-defeating thoughts. Self defeating thoughts come to everyone BP or "normal". The book was truly life-changing for me.

totally understand how u feel about other people having thier own agenda but YOGX u cannot let this stop u trying new things this is ur parnoia not all people will hurt u some might but a lot wont u have to face ur fears the majority of people r good kind people and its up 2 u to get stronger u must remember u have BP but BP DOESNT HAVE U BE STRONG KEEP TRYING BE POSITIVE IT GETS EASIER no more negative talk some steps towards happiness u can do it we all can we deserve to be happy xxx

i no what you mean i like to be with people,but i have a bad habit of saying inappropriate things,and i Ly awake at night warring about what i have said

wow acer thats the same thing i do
say inappropriate things and than i feel all awkward and a little ashamed
so sometimes i just learn to keep my mouth shut so i wont feel weirded out by myself
sometimes the inappropriate things are funny

acer your answer was bang on mate i think i am in your club also

Well how I overcome it is by lots of talking to my pdoc.and a good support network at work.I also think that educating people on my condition can help,because the intelligent people will take it on board and just realise when I say/do something I don't mean and not hold it against me,but at the same time they will challenge me about it when they know it's appropriate timing and resolve things rather than just getting annoyed with me about something I'm not aware has happened.Sometimes it can be a good thing cos it gives me a chance to just say I wasn't aware and keep my gob shut,other times it can get me more paranoid,argumentative etc. and it's then that they know my meds need altering and can step in and give me a kick up the arse.I have a verbal agreement with a select few people,that if they see me getting too high or low that they can step in and take whatever action is needed,even if I am being argumentative,agressive etc.For me it works well and I know that even if sometimes I get all paranoid and think there is ulterior motives behind everything,that the people who support me keep me grounded.The way that I view it is that most people have insecurities or lack confidence in certain areas of their life,even if they don't have any medical condition.You only have to look in magazines to read about someone who is thinking they are too fat,not attractive,have a small manhood etc. etc.The only thing that sets us apart is that bp can magnify our thoughts and reactions and blow them out of proportion,whereas non-bp persons would be able to rationalise them and just get on with everday tasks.

UPDATE: When I read all the above and my question I can't believe I sounded so bummed, I feel very different right now . I have made a major move from my family farm and it is freaking Mom and my really mean sister.(they don't think I can take care of my horse)haha-rediculous. I am on an manic or being normal? just learning to tell the difference. I may have a new job possibility if I go after it and I know I can right now(not paraniod, confident) I have been feeling pretty great since I started taking wellbutrin. S