For me, it's clearly a matter of too much sugar consumption and not always just junk food sugar, sometimes too much of a real food, such as potatoes, does me in - as I just realized. I've gone months without any desire, but I made a big batch of potatoes recently and I have had a few too many sandwiches with the bread lately. Too much bread will do it, but those sugar coated cookies you get from Walmart in a big plastic container, with frosting colors of whatever holiday is coming up - it's like kryptonite - will do it to me within hours - and I won't be able to stop until I've finished the job (bald lids). I've been on and off low-carbing for years. About two years ago I noticed a link between snacking on the cookies and snacks people would leave at work and itchy eyelids, prompting me to "do something about that." Back when I used to pull regularly, I'd spend months at a time with fake lashes glued to my lids, I consumed a TON of sugar. Never made the connection. I thought maybe I'd outgrown the urge. Nope. Just add sugar. I always resented the implications that this was an impulse control disorder. I'm sorry but if your eyelids are itching, it's very hard to not rub them or do something. There is no outside stressor that independently makes me pluck. It's always when I've been exposed to too much sugar. Then I get picking and the picking itself causes more inflammation and irritation to the area, compounding the urges. I've been treated with many antidepressants over the years, none of it helped. I firmly believe that it's because I continued to consumer sugar through it all. Now I take no antidepressants and follow a mostly ketogenic diet. It's ONLY when I stray from this too much I run into a problem.
Why is my mood so easily dictated by the acceptance I receive from those around me? Honestly Snapmap could be used as a torture device, except instead it sends me into a spiral of torturing myself. Why am I so easily pushed towards cutting, something I know will only bring me more pain in the longrun than the temporary relief could even fathom, by some dumb shit like a text back. I place so much...
I have had a long history of depression . I have talked about my shoplifting and alcoholism. I have a history of silly communication in work. Saracatic texts. When people dont respond I sent an anoymous e mail to somebody in work giving out about an event. She figured out it was me.Im suicidal now. I have a son. Now im thinking of ending my life