if it is a really stressfull time, maybe wait untill the new year - it can be a new years resalution!

It's hard to offer advice as you don't tell us what it is about the holiday period that makes you feel particularly stressed out.

inpaininc... makes a good observation. Making it a N.Y. resolution might be helpful. In any case a lot of people have found that 'setting a date' and working towards it was helpful. Lets face it, at the stage you're at we have to deal with enough stress anyway and planning ahead can often help to minimise it!

Let us know what you decide, so that we can support you.

what I find stressful is specificly coming out to my parents, not really the holiday itself ,(tho I have had suggestions not to do it at christmas but new years instead). sorry if there was confusion there , its my fault for that specificly. thanks for dealing with me here, its my first topic posting and I am learning the system here:)

Thanks for the clarification. I think that Christmas is perhaps not the best time to 'come out' to your parents, unless you are fairly sure of a positive response from them. I do feel for you, but I also feel for them, because however they take the news they are going to be faced with a huge readjustment. In the long run, it might be easier for both you and them if you let your parents have the Christmas they're expecting.

This is the kind of situation that is often fraught with anxiety and in the end there isn't a 'right' or 'wrong' answer to how you deal with it, but I hope the above is helpful to you. As one who has gone before you, I wish you well and hold you in my thoughts.

this is kinda why I brought it here, I knew someone would have gone trew something like this and be able to give me some e advise here, ty hun for your help here, I have been kinda freaking out in my mind about this exact thing

If you want to call me the "B" word then go ahead, but i have a different take.

Do you need to tell your parents anything? How many times this last year have they mentioned to you their concerns about things you've done to feminine yourself?

That's my point. When you're mid twenties the process of coming out to the parents is seen by them as seeking approval and /or asking permission...

Which they won't give, because what parent wouldn't want to spare their child the misery of gender issues, afterall- they didn't have to go through it.

Allow me to be blunt- when we get to the point in our transitions that we look like the sex opposite that which we were born... it might be better timing then to let the parents in on your plans, otherwise it becomes another uphill battle if they want to prevent you and something else to argue about if you live in their house.

Make life easy- it's not a race.

-Marina

you do make a good piont and it would be less stress on me to just leave them out of this actually

There's an old saying: "There's a time and place for everything." I know because i got sick of hearing it as a child- but in this instance i think it deserves a look.

Eons ago- i had people come out to me when i was in hiding myself. When i reflect back on it i learned from myself that those who were just themselves and changed gradually as they were comfortable always remained comfortable and sustained the relationships they had. Some people woke up one day seemingly and made a radical change, and those people had more stress, but the actual success rate of both plans were about the same.

That's why for me i've noticed other patterns and seek a better way and for me the less stressful/ damaging way for myself.

But you know... sometimes life isn't that simple. When you do your eyebrows for the first time or wear a nice blouse... questions are going to be asked.

That world out there- they like their Boys to be Boys and their Girls to be Girls- it is often threatening or uncomfortable to some to have to deal with a third gender or someone who seems confused.

I've overheard people question the gender of someone and the stigma various people attach to the way someone looks in transition often times shows their ignorance.

This is why i am friendly to everyone and try to be the best person i can. It helps me buy social currency in terms of tolerance and by my being cheerful it makes it more difficult talking trash about me too.

It's easier to loose yourself in Transition than people may think. It my opinion fwiw, but i think it is passable to integrate with society in a productive way and in doing so direct a meaningful transition worthy of Medical Consideration for the surgeries if someone elects to have them, or not as the case maybe.

It's just that "Gender" in my mind shouldn't be so much a destination as a "Given" and there is so much more to life- it's what we learn "out there" that will make us who we are as opposed to living inside our own minds more... does that make sense?

I mean to say you are you, who else would you be? When we transition we should still be us, we can't be anyone else! No, we can only be who we are and that is just fine because nobody is 100% Female or Male you know?

-Marina

If you're an adult, be adult about it. You don't need their permission, but you shouldn't expect their support either. Do what you have to do to be healthy and happy. That's what they want for you ultimately. They don't want you to be isolated, stressed out, outcast, jobless, suicidal, unstable, or unhealthy...all these are risks you will realistically face during your transition. Anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't been there done that. Have a plan, work your plan, tell those who have to know when they need to know it. During your first year of hormones, I'd avoid telling anyone...you're not going to change all that much in a year anyway...at least not so much that you can't hide it if you have to for a family function.

My transition plan has been divided into things I need to do but that don't "show" all that much...like electrolysis/laser, saving for surgery, psychotherapy, and even hormones (you won't change all that much in one year...unless you have super-reactive tissues). The second phase are things that will be obvious to all...FFS, BA, long hair/feminine style, eyebrows, wearing fem clothes and make-up etc.

Make your own 5-year plan and start working your plan. It will take money, support, and time...but you will make it. But, don't forget to live life...even if you're not totally female yet. Few of us can afford a total makeover Hollywood style in only a couple years. If you can...more power to you. Your plan and the knowledge that you have professional help with therapists, doctors, and a solid plan for working and saving the money you need will reassure your folks. Your actual gender probably won't be as shocking an issue to them as your safety, survival, happiness, and health...unless they are very religious and they have some moral grounds against it. You know your parents and likely how they will respond to this news. Be prepared...they may reject you...totally. It's happened before; you wouldn't be the first. Or, they may guardedly accept this news with a "wait and see" attitude, depending on how you've presented "wild" ideas to them in the past. Few parents, unless it has been obvious to them for some time, will accept the news readily and be very supportive. If they do and they choose to be supportive, then you are one of the lucky few.

I think you should go ahead with your transition as soon as you can and just get it started-then wait until after the holidays to say what is going on because if the fact of breaking the news to them on what is what they are going to see as their stress and problem free happy time you should let them have it-I personally am not going to be telling my parents until I move back home(another state)I will have enough to deal with right here and now-one thing at a time is the best way rather than pile it all into one big mess and get buried beneath it all-the least amount of stress will be the best because if they decide to react in an unpleasant manner you will have to be the sane one-well as much as can be for the situation at least. *hugs and kisses*