Wow. let me comment-The thing you mention about psychological androgony speaks true to how I feel whenever I interact with others of both sexes. Interesting that there are more than one person who can feel such feelings that seem so isolating to the person who experiences them. May we both find our ways through this :)

You just did: "Psychologically Androgynous."

Mind you- no judgment here either. But may i ask the deeper problem? I would say that i heard you get a vive across of discomfort and "balance", does being bisexual not quite cover it for you or do you ever wish you were male?

Either way, Welcome!

Marina

Honestly, no, I've never wanted to be a man physically. I like my female form but I do like the fact that men can get away with eating a large pizza without having to worry about it going to their thighs. Other than that I like being a woman. I'm glad that I don't have massive body hair, or if I get aroused it's not noticeable by a bulge in my pants or having to prove that I'm not a wimp. I think for me I struggle a lot with the traditional image of women and femininity. I come from a conservative family where "women are to be women" "men are to be men". I don't have a problem with my sex. I just have issues with the whole girly girl idea of femininity. I know that that image is changing but it still lingers, especially in my family.

Well then you already learned that rigid sex stereotypes are not valid. You get to redefine your perception of femininity.

The beauty is you get to be however you want. So for practice, tell us what that is if you are ready.

In Texas women often have that reality culturally. Strong but feminine women are well admired here.

Where is your conflict in your description?

-Marina

My conflict is more so between who I am as a woman and wanting to be socially acceptable.
I grew up in the northwest with my mother. While living with her a woman was a woman by virtue of being female and that was it. I never got the sense that because I was athletically inclined, capable of handling physical labor, going camping and fishing, holding my own in a fight, playing with boys, not being dependent on a man and wearing pants all the time would cause my femininity to be questioned. But then I moved to the mid-west with my father and here your femininity has a lot to do with how well you fit the traditional gender role. Since being here I have had my sexuality questioned on a couple of occasions not because I've overtly shown any interest in other woman but simply because I don't fit neatly into the prescribed gender role. I'm not the kind of person who likes to draw attention to herself so I want to fit in but it's really not the person that I am. Yet at times I find myself going to the other extreme out of rebellion against such strict gender roles. But staying at that extreme makes me feel uncomfortable too.
For me my masculinity has a lot to do with being physical. I play hard and I like physical exertion. I like to get out and do something that challenges me physically otherwise I get irritable. I like having a physically strong body and being able to depend on my own strength. When I'm out playing soccer, lifting weights or just wrestling with my husband I feel in touch with my masculine side. For me being physically active and physically competitive is my way of dealing with and expressing any pent up aggression that I have, that or playing pool.
On the other hand I express my femininity through tenderness, compassion, being understanding and open to exploring the internal world of our feelings and emotions as well as being creative artistically. On an emotional and spiritual level I tend to exhibit softer qualities. For me femininity is more of an internal thing. Outwardly I feel most comfortable with a look that isn't too feminine or too masculine. Now that I think about it and have given it some thought it's a little strange how my mind works but when it comes to my outer appearance I just realized that I find myself constantly trying to determine a middle ground between the two. Like for instance, to me long fingernails is girly, short fingernails is boyish so I keep my nails at a medium length. Having short hair with no make up is boyish, having long hair with make up is girly, so for me I would have to have short hair and wear make up, or long hair with no make up to reach a middle ground. I know it sounds weird and I'm just realizing this but that's just how my mind seems to work for some reason. Maybe now that explains why inside I cringe at doing things like being someone's bride's maid. The make up, the hair, the dress and the heels is just too much. But these are things that only apply to me not to anyone else. I guess that is my way of being able to express both masculinity and femininity in my outward appearance. Thanks for asking these questions because I think all this time I've been more concerned or better yet worried about trying to fit in rather than realizing how it is that I express myself.
Mercury

You know- we have our personalities. Think about Customer Service for example. If you were in one such position, all the different types of people you would encounter. Sure metropolitan areas are different than small towns.

If i have your permission to cut to the chase, might i suggest Byron Katie and her CD/ DVD series concerning Seeking Approval in Relationships?

This is not meant to be a criticism. Just an avenue by which you can try it on (usually for free to a point) and see if it fits. There may not may not be something to take from it- if not, forget it!

My reasoning is that we all want approval, but become conflicted by what we're willing to accept vs. adaptation and change we're willing to compromise to get what we want.

For example. I'm TS, i have to wear makeup to do what is required of me to have surgery. I don't like makeup and wearing it makes me look like someone i am not. Early on i figured i used too much and have since found my style, but i am not too fond of it because i am from West Texas. Everyone is a rancher or farmer of living around the ranches in cities. Work is life and tough women occupy the population. Make-up has no place in blowing sand and 120 degree days or the harshness of the area.

Flouncing around in a dress is silly out there, but in Houston it is the normal here to dress to the nines.

Plus my androgyny, nobody guesses my sex most of the time, they stumble over pronouns and my sexuality is always in question.

Ignorance comes beyond that, if it's a big deal to them, it's their problem! Not mine. And true, i make workarounds, but how hard am i willing to work to appease others? Knowing what and who does and doesn't matter decides the workaround. Oh well- what some people think doesn't matter. In my instance rigid gender roles don't register on my radar, i have bigger fish to fry. That's the area, not you. Can you deal with it or do you have to move? Change your behavior? What does it really matter?

As far as i am concerned you have become an transcended and evolved human being- congrats! You won. I am proud of you. All people should aspire to this development... sadly, most don't.

If the conflict is originating because of external pressure, you might have to quietly think the middle finger thought. But if it really bothers you, you have to ask yourself why it bothers you so much to be comfortable bing you!


Marina

Yes , there is room in our world for androgeny . it is okay to be straight , and , its okay to be androgenous...well , we are actually very different - diverse - i was a man who is becoming a woman - because that is who i really am inside. becoming female is setting me free ; and , i know , i am alrady a feminist because men still have the kudos (GOOD) , and women have to work harder to get the same results