Transgender Support Group

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cure?

I am seeing a theripist, who believes that my drive toward the feminine can be cured. Should I hope that he is right, or am I kidding myself to think I can get rid of these feelings?

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

THE CURE is MY FAVORTIVE BAND! how's that for an answer?
pat
deleted_user
deleted_user

Decades ago i felt the same way~ and then i had a series of rude awakenings. Things like; "It's the doctor who pronounces us a "Transsexual", not ourselves, and people who i thought transgendered had breast reduction surgery and went back to life as men.... or women. There were a number of other things that happened along the way but one "had to be there" to fully understand. I think for me it was the act of doing everything but~ that's to say no matter what i did after decades the core issue of being the wrong gender never changed.... for me it worsened into many and more of the things you mentioned.

In decades past i've witnessed several such scenarios as you've written about in this thread and it seems the consensus is to tell the person (you) to run like hell and find a Gender Specialist. What do i say?

I'll play the Devil's Advocate because i, like you would at least listen to "A Cure" if even it was nonsense. What if you were not Trans and had the irreversible surgery- What Then?

While i like the Band "The Cure" too- i find it to be a non-answer for whatever reason. A serious question by someone in pain deserves the same~ a reasonable answer. And that my dear is the work you must do.

All i could suggest is to realize the transition process is lengthy and not done in a short time, but often in years. You deserve to have relief from your pain- but find a place of peace within you and keep it for your own well being. After all, acting out will only delay your services and eventual recovery from whatever the diagnosis is.

-Marina
deleted_user
deleted_user

for me it is not something i wish to be cured, it is who i am

SGM
deleted_user
deleted_user

I hope there is no cure. I want to meet more ppl like me and I'm too old to not be who I am. This is me!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I have never once heard that there is a cure to transsexualism... Does your therapist specialize in gender issues? If not, I would seek one out, that is... It is outrageous to here that there is a cure... I've livved a lifetime of not being comfortable in my previously male body... I can't even phathom ever desiring to be a boy again... I'm sorry, but your therapist just pissed me off! Write me if you want to talk...

Stephanni
deleted_user
deleted_user

This community seems to specialize in, of all things, GREY AREAS. *Laughs*

The concept of a 'cure' has a couple harsh points to it, mostly that a 'cure' implies a 'problem'. Many of us don't see our situations as a problem that needs to be cured, but more of a lifestyle that deserves to be respected and recognized.

Now, that being said, I HAVE heard of people who felt that their desires was a problem. I can stretch my imagination to think that some emotional conditioning, trauma, or other medical issues could cause an otherwise mainstream person to have Trans type feelings. These people may WANT to go back, or get rid of these added tendencies. I have ALSO heard that many of them successfully changed their lifestyles, habits, and desires to lead mainstream lives. If that's what YOU want...then believe in it, it IS possible to 'get rid of these feelings'.

Like a few people have already said here, though, maybe it's just you...maybe this is who you ARE and how you SHOULD be. In that case, there is no 'problem' that REQUIRES a 'cure'. The help you might need from a therapist is to be able to accept your uniqueness and live in a society that might not. Stress management, hormonal therapy, marital counseling...these are VERY valuable resources therapists can offer.

Many therapists simply don't realize that being the way we are isn't always a problem that needs solving.

I've been to many counselors in my life...dozens, in fact. I've learned to keep my distance until I've been able to figure out THEIR motivation. Some counselors look for the quickest path to medication, other's have a political or religious agenda (even if they don't realize it). Some, sadly only a few, are very open-minded and competent.

Usually my first session is me answering all of their questions...'cause that's what they expect. Their questions can REALLY tell you a lot about how they counsel. The SECOND session, however, is usually me asking THEM questions. 'How did you get into this field?' 'Why do you like counseling?' 'Do most of your patients find a medication solution?'

You need to get to know your counselor almost BETTER then he needs to know you.

Well, that's my two cents. (Or maybe a dime...that's a lot of talking)

Hope it means something to someone!

-Jessie
deleted_user
deleted_user

CURE? ROFL...Sorry but what is this to be cured anyway? What will they cure us from? what will this cure be or make us?

Here is a couple bits of wisdom for you. If you are truly Inter sexed or Transsexual then the only cure is getting your endocrine system in order for the true gender you are.

You can toy around with these feelings all you want but they will only get worse as the years pass by. This is why there is the 50/50 rule for those who suffer from this gender conflicted soul. 50 percent of T.s people kill them selves before the age of 30 because they found no help or could not come to terms with them selves.

Choose your therapist like you would choose the medicine you would put into your body or the doctor you would let cut into your body.

Not all therapist that say they can help you have the first clue to what it is like to be T.s and have NO EXPERIENCE.

I am not saying you have to transition but you have got to find some one who knows more about this then you do.

Just PLEASE BE VERY CAREFUL to whom you allow into your head! Think about that!
If you ever want to talk email me. I found my "cure" about 5 years ago and that's when I was set free to be me, Jami Maree. P.S I have a lot of information on my web sites too!
deleted_user
deleted_user

thats like saying theres a cure for gay.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Yeah, I thought I was 'cured' through prayer and 'trying' desperately to live as a female. While I have 3 beautiful children to show for it, what's the point if I can't see them??? Anyways, after 12 years and 3 very abusive relationships, I am back where I started when I was 30.
So, no it doesn't 'go away' and there is no 'cure'. Just be happy with yourself.
And I nd everyones oppinion to find a different therapist!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user

I do not know if there is a cure, to be a way that you have decided to be or not be.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I don't know where to start this, as I've been agonising for 2 years as to where to post this, but it seems that circumstances in my life have led to me posting this here and now.

First off, please don't dismiss this post without giving it some thought. I've been transgendered for 21 years and I know what I'm talking about. I am aware that talking about a 'cure' is very much a taboo, as it implies that there is something wrong with being transgendered. This is not the case.

For me, I began cross-dressing at 13 and stopped at 34. For the last 2 years I have no longer consider myself transgendered. At my worst I was considering a sex change and would have called myself a pre-op transexual.

Now, I know that the conventional wisdom is that transexualism and transgender are not 'cureable'. That doesn't change the fact that I have had a different experience. At no point am I saying that any other person will be able to improve their lot, but as far as I can tell I am the only person to have done so.

To cut a very, very, very long story short, I read a book called "the brain that changes itself by Norman Doige". Chapter 5 is about obsessive compulsive disorder, but I had a crazy notion that it could be applied to my particular brand of transgender. I also had an epiphany about my upbringing that made me realise how i had become the person i had become.

To explain exactly what i did to 'cure' myself would take an entire book, but essentialy i applied psychotherapy principles to my situation. It took about six months to see a permanent change, but I have never looked back. Only issue is that now i am faced with an additional problem: my father has outed himself as transexual.

I know that this sounds farfetched and the last thing i want to do is instill hope in people when there may be none, but i disagree with the assertion that ' I have never once heard that there is a cure to transsexualism' and i strongly agree with the comments made by Jessie.

My purpose in posting this today is only to gauge the response of the transgender community to my experience. I expect it to be negative and full of disbelief, but I'd be glad to be proven wrong on this count. I find most transgendered people are receptive to frank and open discussion, but wary as they've heard this kind of thing 1000 times before - especially from religious groups. I'm also really in a dilemma with my father because I cannot convince him to do what I did, and I don't thing I have a right to expect him to want to follow my lead. Perhaps for some others it might be different, but only time will tell.

Your thoughts on this matter, whether positive or negative, would be very much appeciated. I am peddling nothing. I am promising nothing.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sorry but if he thinks there is a cure for being transgender he is hopelessly delusional. I would love to pray away these thoughts and feelings, but it just isn't gonna happen like that. I came out to my parents when I was 16 and immediately went fulltime, needless to say I got shit on by my school and the rest of the community. I left in 08 and got on hormones later that year after arriving in Maryland. And I will be on em for 4 years this November and will hopefully be getting my sex change done here soon. If by now prayer hasn't worked for me it probably will never work. Everyone in my life that matters tells me I am every bit woman as any genetic female (minus the ovaries and what not). My boyfriend tells me I am a woman, my uncle his girlfriend, a close friend of the family, hell even certain friends tell me this.

IDK how my dad feels about "me being every bit woman", but he still loves me as his child and that's all that matters to me. And my mother oh lawd, she was a very sweet and caring woman, and died trying to get me on hormones. If she didn't see me as a girl IDK what she thought, but she did say she'd be with me the day I get my sex change. And even with her gone I still feel she'll be there with me in spirit.

So trust me if wishing and praying away your feelings hasn't worked nothing will. And trust me when I say, no amount of Christian boot camp will work. Lord knows I wish I coulda gone to one and had it work.

Those who tell me I look and sound like a boy are just haters because my boyfriend and everyone around me says I look and sound female, and that's those who are in my life on the day to day basis.

Point of my babble is if it doesn't work for me it won't work for you.
JoeDulin
JoeDulin

Is there a cure?

Gender identity is set in the first trimester in the womb. Before you're born. It isn't a matter of choice; though how you handle it is. Physical gender of the body is set in the third trimester in the womb; something happens between those trimesters to trigger the body's gender to develop differently from the gender-identity of the brain.

How, exactly, is anyone going to cure that, except through endocrinology and possibly surgery? Are they going to operate on your brain? It's too complicated for neurologists to be absolutely certain about just how each section functions, let alone how they all interact. How will they "fix" something they admit they can't yet comprehend?

Believe me, I searched for a cure - a way to feel "normal" in the body I was born with - and nothing worked. For me, the only "cure" is to transition. I've had surgery, and am now waiting to get on hormones. I've researched this, in part because I wanted to understand WHY this happened to me, and so I could better explain it to friends and family.

Admittedly, not everyone feels that they need to transition; and not everyone feels a need to go as far in their transitioning. That's ok, we're all individuals. Bless those who have found a way for themselves to be happy and feel "normal" in the bodies they were born in; but even medical science agrees that the same treatment does NOT work for everyone - why else have so many drugs/surgical options for every medical condition?

From what I have found, transgender is more of a hidden birth defect than a mental disorder. The only "cure" is to try bringing the body more into line with the gender identity of the brain. Whether you choose to handle your case this way or not IS a matter of choice. There are other ways to live with this, though after 46 years of trying and living in misery, I am happy to transition. Other people may NOT be. That is their right.

I even tried hypnosis,.... it SEEMED to work for a very brief time, but the backlash as it failed was horrible. The only reason I didn't blow my brains out was because I kept imagining my mother having to clean up the mess afterwards - and a bullet to the brain doesn't always kill; I might have only made my life worse by trying to end it. Besides, I wanted to LIVE. I kept hoping for a way out of this trap, this mis-matched body-mind. I dreamed of waking up to discover by some miracle, a surgical solution had been found. I had dreams of undergoing surgery and waking up a the man I always felt I was. This was decades BEFORE I even knew there were other people like me - before I discovered there was a word for what I was going through.

My advice,... Proceed with caution. Remember the old "snake-oil" salesmen, who concocted often deadly mixtures and sold them to people as cures for anything imaginable. Don't let your desperation for a solution blind you to the possible dangers. RESEARCH any potential "cure" before you expose yourself to it. Decide for YOURSELF how you want to deal with what you are feeling - to transition or not; how far to go - or not ; whether or not you can live with what you feel as you are now; it is all up to you, in the end.

Remember, it is your life. Decide how you want to live it. Protect you life, and your health, as well as your sanity.
deleted_user
deleted_user

"Cure" has a negative connotation to it. My significant other is transgender and has expressed many times that he wishes he was normal.
Some psychologists believe that what causes a person to feel transgendered may have something to do with their childhood or parental problems.
On the other side, I read an article not long ago from a doctor doing research on the subject. He's finding that there are about 50 different sex hormones active in the brain aside from estrogen and testosterone that control whether the person views them self as male or female. Women have about 30, men have close to 20. He believes that in the case of transgender individuals that some additional hormones from the gender opposite to what the biological sex may be get turned on by mistake. For instance, I'm a biological female and if I felt like I were really supposed to be male, then that would mean some of the male hormones had been turned on by mistake as I grew. But he's still conducting research and this may or may not lead to advances which would give the transgender community options to either be happy with the body they were born in or pursue the gender they really want to be. Choices aren't a bad thing, but it will be several years before anything will be found I'm sure.
This isn't my view, it's just what I know from research I've done.