you really need to tell your bf, and soon. I know that it wont be easy, but you owe him that. I didnt tell my ex about my gender struggles untill we were married, and it help wreck the marriage.

My advance apology- i am not sure if i am clear about the details.

Are you saying you are "no matter what" going to tell him? Or are you saying you will "maybe" tell him?

Are you saying that when you do tell him it will "Ruin the relationship" the two of you have? Or are you saying his feelings will be hurt?

It sounds awful, but if i had a boy friend who proposed to me i would say no more than "no, i am not ready." Often times that alone can cause break-ups. If in the near future when things settle down and clearer heads prevail, maybe you could tell him- but why give someone, anyone ammunition to hurt you during an already emotional time? The act of coming out to anyone is emotional enough, compounding it with additional emotional experiences doesn't sound well advised for timing to me, what about you?

-Marina

I'm sorry I wasn't very clear-I AM going to tell him but I am trying to figure out the best possible way to do it-I told him I wasn't ready yet-(to give me time to think on how I should go about telling him why it is I'm going to be saying no) I'm just stuck at what would be the best way to do this-though in the end there is no best way huh? hmm...I think I just answered my own question...>> I can't tippy toe it forever because it will hurt no matter what. There isn't going to be an "easier way" to do this. I think I made an important realization here. Thanks for those who did read and sorry to those who thought this was a bit of a trivial matter to put on your forum topics~

There is no such thing as a trivial matter.
Absolutely everything in our lives is affected by our gender identity or lack thereof. Right out the gate before people even ask what a baby's name is they want to know boy or girl so absolutely everything is fair game (just my opinion though).
As for telling him there is no easy/soft way of explaining it really or at least not one I have found. However there is always the hope that he has what is called an "agape" kind of love for you, which would mean that you put the other persons best interests ahead of your own and love them unconditionally. The best example I have found is Christopher Reeves wife who stayed with him after the accident even though she knew things would never be the same again. No intimacy and I am not talking sex, but not even hugging, cuddling etc, no walks on the beach you name it their whole lives changed and she stayed so I know this kind of love exists but I also know it is a rare and beautifull thing.

personally I am in agreement with whats been stated, you need to tell him SOON, since he sounds like he wants to be you and you have diffeant ideas about this. you may want to use tact about this tho, if you need to you can talk to me, not sure if I can be much help here, but I can be a sounding board :), you know I will help where I can sweetie