Can't get away from this feeling I call Raging Against the Lyme. I am so filled with resentment over what I have lost and what I am hanging onto by a thread. I am so angry everytime a new symptom shows up. Today I noticed a bruise in the cuticle of my fingernail. Great. This isn't even about fear, although I have plenty of that don't get me wrong but what's the point really? This is about just wanting to beat the shit out of Lyme but not being able to touch it.... just when I think I have a grip on it, my symptoms are reducing, and my energy is returning I get pounded so hard... and my grip is lost...like a wet bar of soap it just is gone before I know what is happening. So much anger. What else makes me angry? I'm angry b/c doctor's are so stubborn and so "owned" by insurance companies, who are so "owned" by the CDC, who is so "owned" by the IDSA. In my search for a neuro I put out an email to every Lyme support group within 150 miles of me.... in the process I didn't find a lyme neuro, but I did find a person who is working on putting together cases to be presented to the IDSA (I think... not reallly sure yet but something to that effect... some kind of advocacy effort on OUR behalf)... she asked me if I would participate. I told her of course I would because maybe some of my anger can be used to chink the armor of the mighty giant... and maybe enough chinks in the armor will weaken it's power over us all. Do you think we can EVER get the IDSA or the CDC to cry UNCLE? I don't, but I have to do something constructive with my rage. So, that is the end of my rant for now. I have to go take all of the midday pills I forgot to take yesterday and try to find something for lunch. Yup.... I am REALLY TICKED OFF about LYME!
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