The Tea Room Community Group

This is a private group by invitation only. It is a group for those who have a loved one with a brain injury. This group was not founded by me but I will serve as the founder temporarily as one of the first members.

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I am feeling a little lost so it would help if I had some basics. If you want to make me stalk each of you down, I will, but this would make it easier. I am just a little confused.I know this group is caregivers in general, but I don't know who is who.

Husband is the TBI, he is Ray.
Motorcycle accident April 2005
No other remaining physical
Emotional disconnect, anger issues, memory loss
3 daughters, 1 fixing to go to college (accepted at all 4 she applied to!!!!)
I also have a blog where our whole story is,

Obviously there is SOOOOOO much more to us than this, but just to help me have reference points, it would help.



My name: Pam
Son :TBI from an assault 10/31/08
His issues: memory loss, cognitive issues,mood swings, bipolar like stuff ,headaches,seizures and last but not least now uses drugs.
He is not the same person as he used to be. He had good things going for him. But he smokes, does drugs, was hanging with the wrong people and now has a criminal record. Sheesh !
I think this year he seems to be coming around. He and his girlfriend had a baby in sept and he is doing much better. The drug use really stems from the massive headaches he has. He can only stand them so long then he is off to get something to take from some loser who is selling their meds.
Been wasting time with doctors who have no idea how to treat him, finally going to a teaching hospital and praying that that doctor helps.

That is it in a nutshell .

My son sustained a TBI on 9/23/11 from an auto accident on his way home from work.
Issues: cognitive issues, mood swings, social skills, vision problems, physcial limitations on right side
I miss my son so much. He was my life.
My son is 30 years old and I have a daughter who is 5.
Married to a wonderful man.
I no longer like the person I am today either.

Aw Donna. Get outta my head! Lol. I know what you mean though. I am sure he would hate that, though. to know he was part of you being unhappy, even though it is out of his control. I will say that I think as you grieve the person he was, you may get more comfortable with who he is and who you are withhim. Never the same, or we would not be here, but 5 years out, i do feel like there was a grieving period needed.


Husband should have died in 2011 due to a deer jumping on his motorcycle with him.... he spent 3 weeks on Life Support and 2 months in a Brain Rehab Facility.... 4 months after accident husband returned to work, met with people treating him differently..... he wasn't supposed to be here... the Doctors advised and basically begged me to LET HIM GO..... NOPE not ME!!! We have a 14 year old son (Timmy) who I refer to as "LITTLE"..... after his dads accident Little changed.... became a loner... and basically trust NO ONE... but ME, and sometimes I wonder if he does... LOL

Tim is convinced he survived to help me with our son, Little has been diagnosed Bi-Polar AND Aspergers.... and honestly if Tim would have died, I would NOT have been able to raise Little alone....

You can read my profile greeting to get the jist of what happened...



Hi Halo. My DH had a TBI in 1988 when a train hit his truck and pushed him a mile down the tracks. We met 5 years later and got married in 1997. I am more confussed about his BI now than I was when we met. He had some traits that I always thought were personality and now realize were probubly more TBI than personality. That said, for the most part people who did not know his history DID NOT KNOW he had a TBI. In the last 3 years there have been alot of changes in him and we don't know if they are medical, situational, mental health related or something else. Now people frequently ask me what is wrong with him. We have a beautiful 8 year old boy who I adore. We are in the process of seperating for a number of reasons and at times I can admit that some of them are because I can no longer handle what comes with his TBI.
Group Founderwildflowercat

Wonderful idea Halo (Heather)
I guess I am the matriarch of the group at 72. Larry is 66 and we have been married almost 40 years.
I am a retired Social Worker and he was an electrician.
His accident happened almost 2 years ago. He and 2 friends were going to Texas to his sister's funeral and one friend did not realized he was turning and hit him broadside at 65mph. He was careflighted out to hospital to TBI Trauma unit and they gave him 20% chance of survival. We spent 3 months in Texas including rehab. I realize now that survival was not the end. Physically he looks the same but he has changed totally in personality. He has severe memory loss and cognitive deficit.
I miss him so much and am still grieving for his loss. He is very sweet usually as long as I agree with everything he does or wants to do. Most of the time I feel like his mother.
I was recovering from back surgery at the time of his accident and didnt heal very well so I am somewhat disabled which doesnt help matters.
Most of the time I dont like the person I have become and I struggle with this too.
Hope I didnt say more than you wanted to hear. Again, we are happy to have you with us. Sybil

Hi Heather,

My husband is Bob, 54 years old, had a massive ABI (stroke) following surgery in 2010. He is now bedbound/wheelchair bound, right side paralyzed, has a feeding tube, aphasia plus other problems.... but I still love him to death. He was 3 months hospitalized, one month in a coma/semi-coma, another month in a pulmonary hospital...then acute rehab hospital. CAT scans showed 2/3 of his brain damaged. It is a miracle he survived. Hospital wanted him discharged to a nursing home, but I brought him home instead.... No kids, but a dog and two cats! We are in Florida. We are filing a malpractice suit against the hospital.

I also write a blog at and I will certainly check your blog out!

And welcome to the Tea Room!

HI! Im Norma canadian true blue.

55now and feeling older than I ever did.
married to my Freddie for33dogcompensation . he recovered so amazingly well, he was so determined not to go home in a wheel chair and it happened .He was so angry and broke everything in house but responded well to TBI anger management and actually usesthe steps to keep himselfon the leel. he is socalm now.
he now shares an apartment with his brother and BBdog.

it is 2 years post trauma now,not qick any morebut happier.

He doeshavean obsessive streak now but is easily diverted off topic.
We visualizedmaking a new monorail track n his brain, keptour patience and persevered and it worked.
he was retrained(no pun intended)

it was faith prayers and love ofsomany here and in our community but this really did separate truefriends from fair weather ones
I amtaking time right now for me to heal

alwaytoo many words oops

Thanks guys! That helped alot.

Norma, what is this monorail in the brain thing? That sounds like something Ray could use. Is that a technique? He totally gets distracted!

Molly, I will also check out your blog. It is my vent of all kinds!

Sybil, you, one-up me in that Ray was given a 50% chance of surviving initially, but I get you on 2 Air flights! He could not be intubated in the air so they had to land at a tiny hospital and have a surgeon intubate him and then fly him on to a trauma center. He wrecked in the middle of no where. He actually crashed in front of an ambulance and almost made them wreck. That's what saved him, probably, almost instant care.

MuffinDog, I am sorry that separation is what is necessary. You have to do what you have to do. Maybe space is what will help all 3 of you.

LynDee, you sound as stubborn as me! If Gods plan was to take Tim, he would have done so. I have read a little about your challenges with Little, and you sound like an awesome Mom. You keep on working with him and never giving up on him, and that counts so much. I work in Law Enforcement, and I can tell you, it's the ones with mental/emotional; issues who's families give upon them who we end up ALWAYS dealing with for years. Sometimes it cant be avoided. I have a cousin who sounds very like Little. She is now in her mid 20's, and has been employed at a good job and in a relationship for 2 years now. No major problems for a while. She had a bad patch but has found her groove.

I am so glad I found this group.Seriously, Ray and I have been getting along even better for the last week or so. I think it's because I have even more perspective. Thanks, my counselors!

Hi Halo,

My name: Susan
Husband suffered a massive stroke on Nov 13, 2011
Issues:paralyzed right arm, hand and leg. Cognitive issues, memory loss, lost the ability to read, write and has problems communicating.

I miss my husband, most times I feel like his mother. But I love him.

I'm glad to be in the TEA ROOM!

Hi willow Angel so wonderful to meet you. pull up an nice chintz cozy chair grab a cup and rest.

Halo just realized I didnt get back to you about my mono rail.
I look at my son especially in the very early days and visualize a mini mono rail train going throug his brain its track how ever had become discontected broken. When he would scream and yell and be incoherent and break things I could remain calm becaise if I fought or argued the track wouldbreak even more but because Iand my husband and other son made a decision not to contribute to the chaotic mess. We would wait to speak with him gently when he was ready. We would diverthim inconversation and build him up. It was living in hell but the mono rail is being repaired he has come ahead so fast and beyond expectation. angermanagement, DaleBrain Injury, our Doctoranddear friendshave helped, prayers hadbeen saidfor him and so my sonis a happy and confidentperson.
Occasionally he gets frustrated or upset but we divert him and later he wil say,I sure felt confused or upset He really verbalizeswhat hadbeen going on. He doesan obsessing thing but itismuch better. we talk about what triggered it.

meta mana littleolder than our son, he is drinking and such injured about the same time, he is stillgetting a lot of help bprofessinally but it seems to be much the same as what we as a family have been doing.
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