
Teen Sexuality Support Group
This community is dedicated to teenage sexuality, and the issues and challenges surrounding intimate relationships. Don't be afraid to join and get answers to your questions and hear from many others going through a similar journey as you.

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im a mom of 2 tween boys. one has started jr. high this year but because we live in a small community, jr. and sr. high share a building. now i know when i was growing up, i experimented with my own sexuality and masturbation so i respect the curiosity. i want both my boys to be able to feel like they can come to us and talk about anything.
what i want to know is would you have felt comfortable telling you parents you masturbated? if you didnt, what could they have done to make it easier for you to talk to them? most importantly, if you couldnt talk to your parents openly, would it have made a difference in your life if you could have?
anyone is welcome to offer any suggestions you might have to help me. thanks gang!
what i want to know is would you have felt comfortable telling you parents you masturbated? if you didnt, what could they have done to make it easier for you to talk to them? most importantly, if you couldnt talk to your parents openly, would it have made a difference in your life if you could have?
anyone is welcome to offer any suggestions you might have to help me. thanks gang!
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I'm not saying you should push them to talk about it. I'd just suggest mentioning it lightly someday, without asking about it or anything, just so they know you wouldn't seem surprised by it. If you come out and say "I'm here if you need to talk about it," they may feel embarrassed to talk about it, or see you as a therapist or something.
She is really anti-sex and looks so terribly awkward when the topic gets brought up.
She's in partial-denial that i could be partaking in such activities so she doesn't bring it up.
Try to keep the discussion of sex in your household casual.
While enforcing the thought that sex is something that is special and shouldn't be handed out left right and centre!
... Don't put too much stress into it otherwise you'll end up with two sexually-paranoid teenage boys, like myself (Except that i'm a girl!).
i know i lost my mom to cancer in '96 and life just hasnt been the same without her. i wish i had just one more day to tell her how much she meant to me and im doing all i can to bridge the gab between me and my boys so they never have to feel the loss i do.
bleh. i can't even imagine talking to my parents about it, and i def dont want to.
It would not be hard for his father to strike up a conversation about it especially with the increase in sexual references through all sorts of media including television and the internet.
Masturbation and sex in general is something I never discussed with my parents but that is because I felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone about it, masturbation especially is quite a personal thing so your children may not openly talk about it.
However, it is good that you emphasise to them that you are there for them if they do need to talk about anything at all, their father should encourage the same as well, I am sure he will report all to you anyway.
You seem to be doing a good job so keep it up :)
The bible treats masturbation very similar to menstration. i.e. it is considered cerimoneially unclean for a day after a man masturbates.
It is not true that EVERYONE does it. Most do, but I personally know a man in their late 30s that has never done it. So, the fact that I have had this conversation with him indicates what? The idea that masturbation is so private that it should be a secret is not necessarily true.
The problem with masturbation being a secret is that it sets up the idea that other things that an become addictive should be a secret. It is a very big problem to masturbate daily for 10 years, then get married and find that women generally do not enjoy sex every day. So men feel entitled to daily release and begin masturbating again when sex slows down into post honeymoon normality.
Then other things irritate you about your wife and this sense of entitlement compells your willingness to have an affair. If you consider the simple fact that the reason masturbation seems to be a private thing is because it is only reasonable to be done in private, then you can begin to see that a rational, open discussion about the experience your parents had with masturbation may positively impact how you deal with it as a teen.
This having been said, it is very unfortunate that parents are willing to be embarrissed about this with their children. If I send the message that masturbation is so bad that you should be embarrassed about it, then that leaves other teens as the only reasource for figuring out what it is about and how to handle it.
Here is a little bit of info;
there are more endorphines coursing through your brain during orgasm than during a heroine high. It and anything you are looking at while you masturbate will very easily become addictive like it did me. Shame (which is behind embarrasment) is the single emotion that most negatively affects an addicts ability to break free from an addiction.
I am trying to help devise a plan to help my boy avoid the trap of becoming addicted to sex and masturbation.
1. Only do it in the shower with your eyes open to avoid fantasizing, and where there is no porn available.
2. Decide on a schedule. 1 or 2 x a week which is a reasonable tempo for sex in marriage. If you miss your scheduled day for some reason and you can not keep from doing it anyway, something is wrong and you need to deal with the reasons you are powerless over masturbation.
3. Never keep it a secret. In fact, make a deal with your same sex parent that you will tell them either before or after you do it each time. This will help break down the shame and secrecy that drives addictive tendancies. If your parent is to embarrissed to discuss it, say something like, "I respect that you are embarrassed. When you are ready to discuss this with me, I will be here." In about a day they will get over their embarrassment because of your maturity.
So, the punch line.
Masturbation is not specifically forbiden in the bible, but Lust is so fantasizing and pornography needs to be avoided.
It should be limited so it does not become compulsive.
It should not be kept a secret and should have some accountability.
It is not necessary, and cna be avoided all together.