Keep those lines of communication open, clear and honest. My kids know to come to us with any questions. We have told them since they were little that their is nothing shameful about their bodies and they should respect themselves, their bodies and have given them a good foundation for a healthy sexual relationship when they are matured. My daughter thought that masturbating was diry and nasty. She came to us with many questions and we were open, honest and clear that it isb't any of those things. She knows to keep that part of her life private.So does our 12 year old. By the way, we don't discuss this with both kids present, wwe talk about it parents to kid that has the question or concern.It works great in our house.

thats what im trying for with both my boys. we constantly tell them they can come to us and talk about anything without fear of being ashamed or belittled with their questions. i didnt have that with my parents until long after i was out of high school and i almost feel like things would have been easier for me if i did have that closeness to her while i was still in school. right now things between me and my 12 year old are awsome, he knows he can talk to me about anything and ill be there for him. i justr wish he was closer to his dad since i dont have the working knowledge of the male body that he does!

I seriously doubt they will come to you with any questions or concerns without any sort of nudge. I never spoke of it or anything sexual at all to my parents until my dad started to talk about it. It tends to help if the one speaking about it is the same gender as the kid.

I'm not saying you should push them to talk about it. I'd just suggest mentioning it lightly someday, without asking about it or anything, just so they know you wouldn't seem surprised by it. If you come out and say "I'm here if you need to talk about it," they may feel embarrassed to talk about it, or see you as a therapist or something.

Nope, i wouldn't tell my mum a thing about my sex life...
She is really anti-sex and looks so terribly awkward when the topic gets brought up.
She's in partial-denial that i could be partaking in such activities so she doesn't bring it up.
Try to keep the discussion of sex in your household casual.
While enforcing the thought that sex is something that is special and shouldn't be handed out left right and centre!
... Don't put too much stress into it otherwise you'll end up with two sexually-paranoid teenage boys, like myself (Except that i'm a girl!).

i think that masterbation is a personal and private thing and i dont tell my mom that i masterbate and i dont think they should have to tell you if they do. sometimes it can be ambarassing to admit. but maybe if you just be cool about it and just give them there space theyll end up talking to you about alot more knowing that you respect theyre privacy. dont try to know whats going on cause then theyll never tell you anything. if you just be patient than eventually theyll talk. i know that i didnt tell my mom when i started having sex. she didnt find out till after we broke up and now im not able to even be friends with him but i still am just because my parents restrict me from things is why i do them. im not saying to give them the world but just give them some space.

i want to thank everyone for their thoughts.especially you younger ones! i know sex isnt an easy topic to talk about with your parents but take it from a mom, if i thought my kids could talk about sex with me, i wouldnt worry about them when it came to the pressures of drugs, drinking and smoking. as to my advice to the young out there, dont look to harsly at your parents. your friends will come and go but your parents will be there no matter what. despite what you may think, they do love you and just want whats best for you. give your folks a chance, one day you will realize you missed a chance to be closer to them and hopefully it wont be to late.

i know i lost my mom to cancer in '96 and life just hasnt been the same without her. i wish i had just one more day to tell her how much she meant to me and im doing all i can to bridge the gab between me and my boys so they never have to feel the loss i do.

Yeah I would never talk to my parents about masturbating. Ever. Maybe like the basics of sex, but I already know it from sex ed and just.. knowing. reading. whatever.

bleh. i can't even imagine talking to my parents about it, and i def dont want to.

I don't tell my parents about anything I do sexually... whether with someone else, or with myself. I just don't feel the need to say anything...

i'd never tell my mom, nor have I ever felt the need to. sure, when I was little I thought it was a bad thing, but it never really got me down. I soon learned on my own that it's normal.

im sorry to say my dad dosent care hwat i do and my mum although i would talk to her she really does not want to know, but i am her daughter maybe its different with boys i dont know

If you want your 12 year old to be closer to his father to talk about masturbation etc then they should do something together, just the two of them where they can have a father and son chat. I know for a fact that boys can relate more to other boys/men and the same goes for girls.

It would not be hard for his father to strike up a conversation about it especially with the increase in sexual references through all sorts of media including television and the internet.

Masturbation and sex in general is something I never discussed with my parents but that is because I felt as if I couldn't talk to anyone about it, masturbation especially is quite a personal thing so your children may not openly talk about it.

However, it is good that you emphasise to them that you are there for them if they do need to talk about anything at all, their father should encourage the same as well, I am sure he will report all to you anyway.

You seem to be doing a good job so keep it up :)

Masturbating is certainly a private and personal matter to me. I wouldnt ever bring it up with either of my parents even though I talk openly with my mom if I have questions about sex. Its more of a natural thing really, everybody does it at some point. If my parents ever asked me if I did I'd just say its none of their business and why would they want to know

No offense but when i think about telling my mother about something like masterbation it's just out of this world. Just thinking about anyone telling their mother that is kind of odd to me but thats just me, different people feel differently im sure. To me the hole event, and seeing my moms face, reaction and even my own reaction is so rediculous that its humerous. If I ever had any big issues like condums or pregnancy or diseases it might be considered, but deffinitally, NO WAY, would I talk to my parents about masterbation. I don't really think it even really needs to be told to a parent. I mean if u want to u could but it doesnt seem vital, I mean its pretty much completely safe. Think about it though, what questions are there really? I know this is just my oppinion and it may not even be right but yeah...

I am a recovering sex addict. And I know masturbation is not completely safe. In fact, one of the most distructive things about masturabation is prevalant through this thread. The idea that it is a very private and personal matter is based on the fact that it is not approproate to do it anywhere but in private or with your spouse. So what does a teen do with this? Begin to be embarrissed about it. This embarrisment, especially if it leads to being secretive connects the act with a sense of shame about it.

The bible treats masturbation very similar to menstration. i.e. it is considered cerimoneially unclean for a day after a man masturbates.

It is not true that EVERYONE does it. Most do, but I personally know a man in their late 30s that has never done it. So, the fact that I have had this conversation with him indicates what? The idea that masturbation is so private that it should be a secret is not necessarily true.

The problem with masturbation being a secret is that it sets up the idea that other things that an become addictive should be a secret. It is a very big problem to masturbate daily for 10 years, then get married and find that women generally do not enjoy sex every day. So men feel entitled to daily release and begin masturbating again when sex slows down into post honeymoon normality.

Then other things irritate you about your wife and this sense of entitlement compells your willingness to have an affair. If you consider the simple fact that the reason masturbation seems to be a private thing is because it is only reasonable to be done in private, then you can begin to see that a rational, open discussion about the experience your parents had with masturbation may positively impact how you deal with it as a teen.

This having been said, it is very unfortunate that parents are willing to be embarrissed about this with their children. If I send the message that masturbation is so bad that you should be embarrassed about it, then that leaves other teens as the only reasource for figuring out what it is about and how to handle it.

Here is a little bit of info;

there are more endorphines coursing through your brain during orgasm than during a heroine high. It and anything you are looking at while you masturbate will very easily become addictive like it did me. Shame (which is behind embarrasment) is the single emotion that most negatively affects an addicts ability to break free from an addiction.

I am trying to help devise a plan to help my boy avoid the trap of becoming addicted to sex and masturbation.

1. Only do it in the shower with your eyes open to avoid fantasizing, and where there is no porn available.
2. Decide on a schedule. 1 or 2 x a week which is a reasonable tempo for sex in marriage. If you miss your scheduled day for some reason and you can not keep from doing it anyway, something is wrong and you need to deal with the reasons you are powerless over masturbation.
3. Never keep it a secret. In fact, make a deal with your same sex parent that you will tell them either before or after you do it each time. This will help break down the shame and secrecy that drives addictive tendancies. If your parent is to embarrissed to discuss it, say something like, "I respect that you are embarrassed. When you are ready to discuss this with me, I will be here." In about a day they will get over their embarrassment because of your maturity.

So, the punch line.

Masturbation is not specifically forbiden in the bible, but Lust is so fantasizing and pornography needs to be avoided.

It should be limited so it does not become compulsive.

It should not be kept a secret and should have some accountability.

It is not necessary, and cna be avoided all together.

personally my mom know i masturbate..i told her myself awhile back...she made it easy to say by being very open with the whole sex topic i mean she know quite abit but she doesnt know i had sex...ithink. being friendly about the subject in a joking way helped me out alot...i hope i help and remember kids do want thier parents to be involved with their lives.