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The Dance – Sociopath and Empath
Posted on December 18, 2013 by briannaalbano


I am an empath, which to me means I have talents others don’t have and I also have weaknesses. I honestly can’t decide whether or not it’s good or bad to be an empath. It certainly makes me unique! I have experienced things like telepathy, mind reading, psychic visions, etc. without much effort. I can feel people’s emotions and I can relate to them and help them through it. These are all great things and I am grateful that I have these abilities. However, being an empath is also a burden. The world around us is NOT quiet as we are always picking up on something. Even if it is not a conscious thing, there is emotional chatter and energy all around that we FEEL. The worst of the burdens that comes with being an empath is how our emotional energies and abilities make us prime targets for the ruthless sociopath.

empath eyes

People who haven’t been exposed to what a sociopath is may have a wrong impression about how to spot them. In fact, I would say that it is ONLY the empath that SEEs them. Others just don’t SEE it, and that is because sociopaths are MASTERS of manipulation, lies, deceit and they know how to maintain ABSOLUTE control. Sociopaths do not look like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining.” Sociopaths are usually physically attractive men or women who put on a good show of being kind, caring, popular, fun to be around and sometimes charismatic. They don’t have feelings, but they KNOW how to pretend that they do. By watching others, they pick up the gestures, the expressions, etc. to make others believe that they can FEEL. This is how they fly under the radar and this is how they get away with really REALLY bad behavior. To the rest of society they appear to be quite great people to be around.

Having encountered a few sociopaths in my life, I can easily describe what “the dance” is like. Fist comes RECOGNITION. An empath recognizes the sociopath on some level. For me, this recognition has manifested in a variety of ways. Upon first meeting, I have had psychic visions of things ending badly, I have also experienced an internal voice telling the person to “stay away.” Since I work with energy healing, etc. I’ve also felt fear when I connect to their energy, especially through their eyes. There is no emotion in their eyes! But, before these types of radar signals happen is REALLY when the recognition happens. The reason empaths know a sociopath is because they have NO emotional energy or chatter around them. It’s QUIET. This stillness is what raises the alarm bells.

emotionless eyes

The second part of the dance is the PUSH/PULL. The empath instinctively tries to avoid the sociopath, yet on some level they are also drawn to them like a moth to a flame. Every time I’ve met a sociopath there has been some weird behavior on my part where I find myself trying to stay away from them without having a solid reason why. At the same time, however, I usually feel some form of longing to be with them that doesn’t make any sense to me. This causes a lot of internal turmoil and confusion. Why would I avoid and want to be with a person at the same time? The reason is this. An empath wants to be with a sociopath because it’s QUIET around them. It feels like a VACATION from the chatter. So peaceful, so amazing is the feeling of stillness, they are so just drawn to it. The feeling is different and they want to know WHY it’s different – it feels special in some way.

moth to a flame

The reason this becomes a dance is that the sociopath is also attracted to the empath. Since sociopaths don’t have emotions they don’t feel whole within themselves. There is a gaping hole inside and they want to have the emotions that others have to fill it. They want to feel love. They want to feel sadness and happiness too. So, when the sociopath spots the empath, they usually find themselves attracted. I think this is because they instinctively know they NEED whatever the empath has. They start their manipulation by luring the empath in. They use body language, mannerisms, subtle gestures, eye contact, etc. to lure the empath in. And, empaths are unfortunately suckers for this because of their attraction to the QUIET, SPECIAL feeling.

After the sociopath feels they have adequately yet subtly hooked in the empath is when the ATTACK happens. Sociopaths are often waiting for the perfect moment for this. Some are more patient than others, but when a sociopath sees their opportunity they take it without thoughts for the consequences. They are quite impulsive people. A lot of them use even stronger levels of seduction to draw the empath in even more, make them feel like they love them. I think they do this because this is their way IN, their way in to feeling some of the emotions themselves by stirring them up strongly in the empath.

ready to pounce

A lot of empaths who enter into relationships with a sociopath find themselves completely exhausted because the sociopath instinctively feeds off their emotional energies, subconsciously (although in some cases consciously) trying to fill the hole within themselves. It is often said that sociopaths are very closely related to emotional vampires or energy vampires. Since empaths are full of positive life force energy, this contributes to why they are extremely attractive to the energy vampire or sociopath. Energy vampires get a huge boost in energy from an empath, like no other person they can siphon energy or emotions from.

energy vampire (Movie: Lifeforce)

The next phase is usually GASLIGHTING which involves the sociopath discarding the empath once they’ve gotten what they wanted. Gaslighting is one of the worst experiences you can live through because it’s so confusing and makes you question your sanity and self worth. This phase usually involves some extremely staged behavior on the part of the sociopath to manipulate the empath, the situation and everyone around. And the empath is usually too innocent to know what’s going on immediately and falls for it all too. The empath feels rejected, humiliated and confused. Didn’t that person like me before? And, what did I do to deserve this? This is the phase that is so completely ENTERTAINING for the sociopath. They LOVE to watch their empath target squirm. They LOVE to watch as they manipulate everyone around them into believing it’s all the fault of the empath. They LOVE the feeling of absolute CONTROL they have over all the unsuspecting souls around them. It’s always quite masterfully pulled off like Machiavelli himself.


Next phase is the BIG REALIZATION after the empath looks back at everything and puts the puzzle pieces together they always realize how ruthlessly they were manipulated. Often, they try to tell others about what happened, but no one believes them because they have been fooled by the sociopath’s behavior. This contributes to the empath losing their sense of sanity. Now it’s not just the sociopath that is against them, it’s EVERYONE. Something has to give at this point and it is ALWAYS the empath who has to pay the ultimate price. They have to quit their job, leave their gym, cut back on interactions with the sociopath for their own levels of sanity.


This leads us to the end of the dance where the SOCIOPATH WINS. The sociopath always wins. AWLAYS. There is no way to defeat them, so strong is there desire for control, their impulsivity, their lack of fear exhibited in hurting and deceiving others. They will do anything to win. The empath is not like that at all, so it will always ALWAYS happen this way. And, the sooner you accept this, the sooner your mental anguish will fade. You just have to let it go.

So, what is an empath to do really?

The only thing we empaths can do is recognize the signs of a sociopath, follow our guts, STAY AWAY. We need to get VERY good at this and NEVER let our defenses down no matter what anyone says. We also need to understand how we are drawn to a sociopath and WHY. And why they are drawn to us. Don’t be fooled, don’t be drawn into the quiet and stillness or their seductive behaviors. This is not a love affair that needs to happen, it is a FATAL ATTRACTION that will always end in your demise.



Since I've become aware of my NH's sociopath tendencies, I've been able to progressively detach myself from him emotionally. And I'm careful to keep my emotions in check around him. I don't let him know when he's pushing my buttons because he seemed to feed on that before, when I'd get upset he seemed to find satisfaction in that. Now I don't show any kind of emotion. That's really getting to my NH now. It makes him angry at me, but my calm veneer stops him cold.... much to his dismay. It's kinda like I've taken my power back.

Thanks for posting this Bella! I hope to be able to read more tomorrow.
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