Don't know what to say really? I'm a shell of my former self. I don't understand people who advise me to look upon the world differently, be happy blah blah blah...Do you think I want to live like I am now? Do you think I have not tried? How is a person to help themselves if they are at a loss to know how? I'm so fed up and so far gone that there is no way back, I am the reason for my demise, I take full resposibility for this. I want to leave, but I am tortured with thoughts of ruining the lives of the people closest to me. I am getting worse as the weeks pass by, hate having to wake every single day and look at myself in the mirror. I wish I had some sort of terminal illness, this would make everything so much easier. At least then I would be able to enjoy the time that I have left. If I could take somebody elses cancer I would do it without a seconds thought. And before anybody jumps down my throat and tells me that I am horrible for suggesting such a thing; I really don't care. I hate society, so much hurt in the world, so many arrogant and ignorant people. I hate being around people today, I hate being here.
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