Don't know what to say really? I'm a shell of my former self. I don't understand people who advise me to look upon the world differently, be happy blah blah blah...Do you think I want to live like I am now? Do you think I have not tried? How is a person to help themselves if they are at a loss to know how? I'm so fed up and so far gone that there is no way back, I am the reason for my demise, I take full resposibility for this. I want to leave, but I am tortured with thoughts of ruining the lives of the people closest to me. I am getting worse as the weeks pass by, hate having to wake every single day and look at myself in the mirror. I wish I had some sort of terminal illness, this would make everything so much easier. At least then I would be able to enjoy the time that I have left. If I could take somebody elses cancer I would do it without a seconds thought. And before anybody jumps down my throat and tells me that I am horrible for suggesting such a thing; I really don't care. I hate society, so much hurt in the world, so many arrogant and ignorant people. I hate being around people today, I hate being here.
Posts You May Be Interested In
My daughter turned 18 on the 1st and moved out the day before. Anything I try to do for her or with her she wants nothing to do with. She wants to be taken off my insurance, the joint phone plan, she wants zero help from me and has told me multiple times since moving out that she wants to cut all ties with me. She and I had a good relationship up until a couple of years ago - it has been a real...
I feel like a terrible person... I feel like every time I open my mouth I hurt someone. I feel like every decision I make is questionable. I have no faith in my abilities. The new job is going well, but I feel like they are probably sick of me asking stupid questions. I just want to make sure it is absolutely clear to me so I don't make a fatal error and kill a patient. I sometimes wish I were...