I can’t remember a time I wasn’t suicidal. I wake up and wish I was dead. Or if I drive on the interstate and see a light pole I want to drive into it or off a bridge. I want to slit my wrist and bleed out. I want to feel pain while I’m going out. I don’t want to breathe anymore. I have no purpose. I don’t have a use. I’m worthless and hopeless and I’ll never be okay. I’m just a burden to everyone and so many people would be okay if I was gone. I just don’t see a point in living anymore. The thoughts are getting stronger and stronger and I just want to fucking do it. I can’t take it anymore.
I still feel like I don't want to be alive. I wish and prefer that I could fall asleep and never wake up. I hate the way that I live and how I spend my life and I wish I was gone. I never have enought time. My headaches come every day and I walk in a complete fog.
I cant say no. I'm not allowed to say no. My team can say no to me. Other teams can say no and pick and choose but I am the last resort for anything that is an ask at our company. I can't say, "no that should be someone else's problem" My bosses solutions have been to add project managers to help watch what I do which results in more meetings and status updates on my...