Ok,My inconsiderate husband keeps making these stupid remarks that I am hooked on Ambiem. I have been taking it since 3 weeks after Makayla died.Before then I was not sleeping at all I was having vivid dreams(I call them NIGHTMARES) of Makayla dead.So on Tuesday night I did not take the Ambien what a mistake..As my husband sleeps all night snoring like a railroad train,I move myself to my daughters room(they are in Disney)I am trying to sleep but not really alseep.It is 3 am and too late to take an Ambien so of course the nightmares start I am dreaming I am at the funeral home and I am searching the rooms for Makayla I find her and she has a some type of mesh bag over her whole body like a potato sack...I see her face and body I am crying for her to be let out she is in her casket.I am searching for Nicole who took care of Makayla for us there and I was screaming at her what was she doing with her why was she suffocating her like that. I made them all come and look at her only to find her dress off she was in a tea shirt and she was moving and kicking her legs.I was screaming at my husband that she was alive....It was so horiffic and so real I saw very vivid details of her...I still have not told my husband about this.He already thinks I am crazy, I dressed her pink puppy in the tea shirt which has vomitt on it that she wore the day before she died. I clutch it every night and cry myself to sleep...The doctor is shocked that I dont dream on Ambien and have hallucinations.I am now in the stage of blaming my husband for going to work that morning since I told him I was not feeling well at all...So if I say I dont feel well which I never do..He should have said to him self 4 kids one 3 months and one 3 maybe I should stay home..I was happy she took a nap not knowing it would be the last time I held her alive...If he was here he would have been holding her and she would have stayed up...Things would have been different..The guilt of all of this is killing me...I am having panic attacks to where I am suffocating.I cant look at babies since last week.I get so angry when I see these mommies propping bottles while pushing strollers I mean infants..what is the point of that are they that busy to where they cant take 10 min to feed their baby right???? Then when they have the blankets on their faces god I want to scream and tell them dont you know what you can do to your babies...I am slowly but surley loosing my mind...What stage did this happen to all of you? My biggest concern when does it STOP?? Am I going to be the Ambien queen forever??
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