My doctors were very careful what they gave me. I'm not real sure why you are on pain killers. Addiction is never fun. I would say find another doctor and get off of them. I know that sounds kinda scarey. My problem was adavant,valium, and wine. Still havin a hard time. You are going through the most difficult thing you will ever endure. Try to be your self the best you can. The drugs only extend the pain and reality. Your in my thoughts. Everyday is a challenge don't get lost in the fight.

thanks for your reply, I began taking the painkillers shortly after his death for a back injury however I have been taking things like ativan, seroquel, trazadone and valiuim for the anxiety as well. I am afraid to talk to the doc because I dont want them to think i am a bad mother and get social services involved again. my kids were removed from me one day after Tyler died and kept them until his autopsy results came back and confirmed the death was sids. they treated me like I was a criminal and had somehow hurt my precious baby. Once that was cleared up they backed up but i am afraid they will take them if they find out.

I understand, I was worried about getting addicted to the sleeping pills I was taking, it was scary to imagine not having them. What got me thru it was my hope of having another baby I knew I had to be healthy. I read on another question post that you are trying to get pregnant. Please take care of yourself and get healthy, you will need all your strength. Your in my prayers.

thank you for your posts, we are just tracking ovuklation at this point, have to quite the painkillers before i concieve althought my doctor days that taking them at low levels is safe during pregnancy i dont want any problems with the babies health, so.. thats where I am at!

There is a website, I believe Canadian based but it is called motherisk.org and they have a number you can call and tell them what meds you are on and they tell you if they have done any studies on that med and what it can do to your unborn child.
I am on citalopram for anxiety... even though it is an antidepressant and I am on clonezapam (sp) and that is to treat anxiety. The great thing about the clonezapam is that my doctor is letting me play with my doses so really some days I only take .5 of a mg. I think it really works. They gave me ativan as well but once I started the clonezapam I have not needed to use that ativan. I took .5mg of clonezapam 3 times a day and slowly am getting off them.
I sometimes hate how the 1st things doctors do is medicate you! Mine were good and did not give me meds till I landed up in ER with a panic attack.

i have tried for 3 mos to get my hands on what ever will make me step outside of the pain. do not feel shamed. some people pray some get really busy, and we all find our own way of dealing. just don't let it get outta hand. your family needs you. that is what i tell myself all of the time. read my last journal. it may help you feel not alone.

I wish I could take something. I have an appointment for a dr in like a week that was made over 5 weeks ago. So I have had to suffer with NOTHING for the 2 and a half months since my baby passed away. Then almost 2 months to the day my husband went back home to his country.. and I still dont know if hes coming back,so I got hit with 2 major losses. Since my first period, I am not even HAVING periods and I have lost so much weight my body looks like its deflating. I am now by myself hours away from any family members or friends who could pick up the pieces and take care of me. I am very very very afraid to get on anything ( not because of conception because HELLO I have to have my husband here to do that) but more because of my fear of DCF since his death.. because they come in your house and I dont want to be looped out of my mind and get into a car accident, nor do I want to end up addicted. So I have literally hit all these walls with no medical protection ( medicine) to help me. I have no idea HOW I am surviving any of this but I have so much damn responsibility I have no choice.. I have no freaking choice

I was given anti-anxiety pills the day after my daughter died. I took them for 3 weeks religiously. But got so tired with them that I didn't want to anymore. When my husband went back to work, I weaned myself off of them for the sake of my living son. By taking them only at night so i could sleep. No matter what you take, or how often you take them you are not working at full capacity for your children. Taking pills is the easy way out. You have the emotional outbursts because your mind and body are still trying to mend itself after the loss of your precious baby. It's what needs to happen for you to function without meds. If you need help I'm here to talk...

I tried to do this without any meds. After Angel was gone, my dr. asked me if I wanted meds and I told him no. I too was afraid of getting addicted. But at my next apt. a week later, I decided that I had to have something to get through. My dr. gave me Prozac and I have been on it for about 2 weeks now and I am not sure how long it takes for it to start working but so far I have not noticed a difference. Has anyone else ever used Prozac? And if you have, how did it work for you?

I did ok for the first two months without the meds. If you consider sobbing daily ok. But I snapped one day, and called my doc. I was on zoloft, valiuim ect for antidepression. Then they put me on serequel to sleep. I started taking loritabs for my back...I have a protruding disc pushing on a bundle of nerves and a torn tendon. I got addicted to those. I didnt even know until I had to stop taking them because I got pregnant, withdrawls for a week, they were vicious! I decided I would never take the same thing for that long of a period of time again. I will switch out month to month if need be. I still want one sometimes because I am in so much pain, and it relaxed me so much, took care of my anxiety as well. Do not feel bad, this is very common...addiction to pain killers. More so than I knew about until I became addicted. I am praying for you.

I've seen many parents turn to drugs or alcohol after, and they all said the same thing, to numb themselves from the pain.
Pain meds can alter your moods.

I just started back on Prozac and it takes awhile to get into your sytem. My DR saif about 1 month to fully kick in.
I was on it about 15 years ago, and it worked great for me at he time.
I just got off lexapro due to the vivid nightmares, no anti depresant is worth those dreams!
I hope that your DR will help you and not make
you feel like a bad mom.

hugs

Honestly, after Tristan died and before I got pregnant I did some really distructive things like getting drunk two days out of the week, and not just a few beers really really drunk. I still went to work and did everything else but I was still binging. One of those times I ended up somewhere and had no idea how I got there. It is kinda hard to look back and see what I was doing. But I hit that bottom before I stopped drinking a month or so before I got prego. Some times I think we will do anything to dull the pain we feel.I hope you can find the strength to come over this. Big hugs to you hon.