I ran to walmart today with my kids. I had to get some more school supplies for my son who starts school on wednesday. I dropped off my oldest daughter at school, today was her first day, we came home and headed to the store. after we parked and walked in, I was setting my two other girls in the cart when this sudden horrible feeling rushed over me. I felt like something was missing, like I forgot something. Then it dawned on me that I had left Colin in his carseat in the car. I started crying and shaking and my heart was beating out of my chest...until I realized he wasn't in the car, he's in the cemetary. It's like my brain had a total lapse in judgment because I was certain I was missing something and that something was him. Why did it happen today? He died on a monday so mondays are generally bad for me, but it's been 8 weeks now. Why would I suddenly feel like he was still alive and I had just misplaced him? I'm tired of the anxiety.. I don't sleep well, especially since I refuse to sleep in my room, I am always terrified something is going to happen to my other kids( every morning when I go to get my 22 month old up, I shake her to make sure shes alive...what a rude awakening for her.) I just don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone else had this much anxiety, or is it because I lost him in my house?.....any words of wisdom from all the moms who have been dealing with this longer or am I seriously just starting to lose my mind?
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