I get these moments of panick... stress... overwhelming nervous feelings. Sometimes they make me sick. The thought of still having to prep everything for tomorrow, waking up at 6 in the morning, going to class, changing into work gear then commuting downtown for work after class with my huge bags of massage therapist gear, I look so unprofessional with all that stuff, hair all over the place from carrying all that on the long walk to work, it's embarassing to walk into the office like a tramp with a mobile home on her back... then at work it's so fast paced and demanding and stressful... and once i can leave there I having to stess again and run to the bus for 30 mins cause if i miss it it s another hour wait to commute back home, lugging around my huge pack of stuff, I don't get home till 10pm, barely have the time to eat before crashing out in exhaustion, no time to review courses or homework, I have exams and expectations and other things to do... which are stressing me out but I do't have much choice, no time to do them. How can one live like this without support? Funny how when I feel loved I can take all this on and more and it doesn't even feel difficult... when you're down everything is a chore, so you can imagine just how much effort is needed to go through this lifestyle right now... yes i m still trying to do my stuff while on this emotional rollercoaster ride, I fear a burnout very soon... i m doing my best to stay on track, I just feel like quitting my job but i can t afford to, i need to save money, i have to build a backup plan for my life, I need to have $$ in order to eventually leave this situation if I have to!



I feel so negative right now, I don t like it. I m dreading tomorrow.



Stresses me out so much that I don't even have the strength to prepare for it... I'm wasting time procrastinating when I should be sleeping. I don't get it. Maybe I'm just so scared of tomorrow that doing what is necessary to prepare for it freaks me out so I avoid it.

I just feel like sleeping right now and not waking up for a while. Or only waking up to eat and read and run.



I know I need to take control of my life cause it's getting out of whack but I'm not quite sure what to do.