There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my Donnie George. I stay up a little late when my husband does his over nights holding urn. When I do go to bed I sleep well. I sleep well when he is home he holds me and that makes me feel better. This site is away I can get my councilig we all share the same pain and are here for each other. The pain will never go away because we will always remember but we can learn how to deal with the pain through comforant from others. The people in our life either physically or by words are important.

I'm so sorry you are in this place right now. I was in that place not too long ago. It's been about 4 months since I lost my Holly. Every single day I think about her, what she would be like if she were with me now, what would she like to do, what songs would I sing to her to make her go to sleep, but I can tell you it will get a little more bearable as the time goes on. When this first happened, I thought there's no way possible I can make it through this pain. I lost a baby at 11 weeks in Sept. of 07' and I was a complete mess after that, I thought there's just no way I can make it. I thought I would do something to myself or slip into such a deep depression that I would never get out. The exact opposite happened. I felt the sadness and I did go into a depression for a few weeks, then I said to myself, this is my life now - wheater I want it or not - this is my life and I have to accept what happened to my baby. I then started to really pray to God for guidance and help. And he answered that prayer, I began to feel at peace with the loss I and my family had suffered, I felt a sense of peace. I miss her each and every day and I think that will be a new normal for each of us that go to this site. The 'old' me is no longer, I'm this 'new' me with a void and emptyness, but I feel I have a re-newed faith in God. All things happen for a reason. In my case, after thinking over this many many times, I realized I had not really accepted God into my life, I belived in God - but I did not fully know Him or trust in Him to do what is best for my baby and me and my family, I did not trust in Him (the Bible says God knows what our future holds and he controls our lives). I feel that with out the loss of Holly I may have never found that trust in God and maybe I never would have without this devestating event, this to me means that I get to be with Holly for eternity when the end of time comes, this assures me that I will be with my baby girl for ever in Heaven when maybe with out this happening I would not have made it to Heaven and then I'd never see her again. This to me is very comforting, know that I will be with her again for all eternity. I can tell you from experiance it does get better, the pain will always be with you, but the days will get brighter and the heart a bit less heavy. God will look over you and provide you a feeling of peace. Try to think about your baby in a positive light, think of the joy you had with him and the time you did spend with him. I became so obsessed with getting pregnant that I did not deal with my loss, I just thought I want a baby - and I do, but it is important to find your 'new' self after this tragedy. Everyone is different, this is just my experiance. We are TTC again, and I put my faith in God that it will happen when the time is right. I will be praying for you. I'm here for you anytime.

J

I am sorry for your loss, it hurst so much to see new people join this site.... I never realized a person could hurt this much until I lost my sweet angel James, It has been ten months. It took me a long time to be able to sleep at night, I would stay up and think of him and how much I missed him and that I should be awake taking care of him, no awake because he is not there. Its a long and hard process, I have a daughter who will be 3 in March, and I really cant cry or get upset when she is around so all I had were the nights to cry. I started to give myself time during the day, while she took a nap or when my husband got home from work he would watch her and I would go in my room. The days that I was able to let my feelings out and to grieve my nights were easier, days that I just put all my feelings "away" those nights were very long. Little by little I started to sleep a little more. I still have nights that are very tough. I was doing good for a couple of months and know again I am very upset, I guess little by little we will have more better days but we will always remember them. Our sweet angels that forever changed our lives. Pray God is the only one that can console us, and let yourself feel it is very important that you let yourself grieve.
You are not being selfish by feeling. It will be okay, you will never stop hurting but the scar wont be so raw. You will be able to be happy again, a new happy, but you will find peace.

It will be okay and it will get better. You will have bad days and good days as you progress through this journey. It is okay to be emotional and there is no time limit on your grief. Ask for help when you need it and be honest with youself and everyone around you.
I carry Maris in my heart and I think of her often. She was and always will be my first even if I don't have her with me. I am trying to focus on the future--brothers and sisters, doing things to help others in Maris' name, making sure that her memory lives on and is not forgotten.
Do take care of yourself.

I just wanted to thank you for posting this. I could have written it myself and it feels good to know I am not alone. I hope we all find hope and peace as we move forward.
Laura

I am one of the mom's that hasn't gotten to share my love with a baby yet and this is so hard...I'm a mom but with no baby to hold in my arms....it's so hard to be in a conversation with my girlfriends and they are talking "mom" talk it SUCKS because I have no baby stories, no midnight feedings, no sleepless nights....It has been 3 months since we lost our son and the burden has started to lift a little at a time but don't get me wrong there isn't a day the goes by that I don't think about what Bryce would be doing or would be making cute little noises with his tongue....it takes time to get your beliefs back....I know it did for me and I do wish for a happy endings for all of us here at DS...Hugs...Julie

I feel the same way. I am 4 months into this new life and some days i just want to yell at everyone. My baby died stop talking about your babies infront of me. It is hard for us frist time mommies. It will get better but over time.