I lost my Abbi on May 28 2008. I was 34 weeks. The doctor told me there was no heartbeat. My doctor told me that I was very sick. My family almost lost me too. I am still healing physically and emotionally. I have to take 2 different blood pressure medicines 3 times a day. I am taking Zoloft and seeing a therepists once a week. The emotional pain is so much worse than the physical pain. It feels like someone ripped out my heart. I come home at the end of the day and typically am in tears the rest of the evening. I am not sleeping. I just found out that I am pregnant. I know how much I want a baby but I also know how scared I am. I know that my body is not ready to endure another pregnancy right now. And the thought of not having a successful pregnancy is so overwhelming that I get a sick feeling in my stomach. After talking to my boyfriend we have come to the decision that we have to terminate this pregnancy. I feel like the worst person in the world. I know that terminating is what is going to be the best decision as far as my health but how do I not feel so guilty? I didn't get a choice for Abbi. I do have a choice this time and I feel horrible.
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