Hi, my name is Ashley. I was 37 weeks pregnant when I lost my daughter. I had gone to the doctor the day before and everything was fine, she had a strong heartbeat and was moving as usual. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time, actually due on the same day. We say our girls were determined to get here on the same day. They had induced my sister becasue her b/p was really high and I went into labor. Amariah had been moving all day and I thought everything was ok. I called my mom and told her I was having contractions and I thought someone needed to come get me and take me to the hospital. By the time I got there they were taking Amber back for her c-section and were getting me on the monitor. The nurse couldn't find her heartbeat and I knew something was wrong. As soon as the doctor finished with my sister's c-section he came in and did an ultrasound still no heartbeat. They took me to the OR put me to sleep and did an emergency c-section. The NICU doctors were in the OR and they tried to get her back but she was already gone. My angel was born exactly 30 minutes after my niece. My whole family couldn't believe my sister and I were due the same day and kept asking why, now we know; we need Ryleigh to get us through losing Amariah. Amariah was my first baby and the day I found out I was pregnant I was terrified but at the same time I was so happy. I held Amariah and had her baptized before we had her funeral but those are the only memories I'll have of my beautiful daughter. She and Ryleigh looked so much alike the only difference was Amariah had jet black hair and brown eyes, Ryleigh was blonde and blue eyed. In a matter of seconds my whole world fell apart. At the same time I hurt so bad that words couldn't possibly explain I was happy for my sister. Most people ask if I resent my sister for her daughter living and Amariah dying and I don't; if it weren't for Ryleigh I don't know what I'd do. Some days I don't know which way to go because I think what if she was here, what would she be doing, just normal things. My great-grandmother used to say no parent should have to bury a child and I didn't fully understand what she meant until I saw my daughter laying in her casket. Its amazing how life turns out, my family is supposed to have 2 babies but we only have 1. Amariah's funeral was bittersweat because I had to bury my baby but Ryleigh was there and I knew she would get me through the really bad days. Sometimes I hold Ryleigh and just cry because I want to be holding Amariah, seeing her smile and hearing her laugh like Ryleigh is. Its been almost 5 months and people always say things get better with time but this hasn't and I'm beginning to wonder if it will. My daughter is my heart and always will be. People try to understand how it feels to lose a child but nobody can truly know until it happens to you, so basically I'm looking for people who know how I feel.
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