When I was pregnant with Keira I had a friend at work who was also pregnant and we became good friends b/c of that bond. Even after Keira died we remained friends. I felt like she always said things that were insensitive such as going on about her daughter etc... I told her in Feb that my husband and I were going TTC. She then made it her mission to get pregnant before me and acted like it was a contest. She called me 2 months ago and told me she was pregnant . Not only that but she was gushing " I just couldn't wait to tell you, can you believe we got pregnant the first month we tried" . Well I was so hurt that she didnt care that her news would hurt me so I sent her an e-mail and told her how I felt. She responded but I just couldn't bear to talk to her- I guess I was also jealous. The next week I found out I was pregnant. But I just miscarried at 9 weeks and went for a D& E today. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but I am. Why after everything I've been through , did this happen! It feels like the more I want it, the more it doesnt work out . After 2 miscarriages and my Keira dying it just seems like a cruel joke. In the same amount of time that all this has happened to me this girl has a healthy baby and another on the way and Im sure it will work out for her and she will have another baby.Maybe I was wrong about it but I just cut her out of my life, more or less b/c I cant handle seeing or hearing about her being pregnant.I just feel so bitter and angry at everyone who has kids and esp. people who are pregnant. I know that its irrational and pointless. I just feel like I want a baby so bad that the sadnes, jealousy, bitterness is eating me from the inside out. I don't know if i need advice or what but I just need to get out how I feel. Last night I broke my own dishes in the basement, just b/c I felt like I needed to break something. Who does that?
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