I have decided to do the memorial for Avery Grace on her due date (feb 3rd). I can't believe its in 2 weeks. Time seemed to go by so slow when i was pregnant. Anyways, I have been talking to my priest alot lately and going to church every week. It seems to be helping quite a bit. Im still looking for answers, "why did this happen to us?" "was there something i could have done?" I feel now that i just have a little more peace and acceptance. I know she is in heaven and i will hold her again one day. Im still feeling a little lonely though. None of my freinds seem to want to talk about her with me, my family doesnt know what to say and my husband and I are still fighting. I desperatly want to start trying again and he is still thinks i need more time. This is like torture. Its wierd to say because while i was pregnant i wanted so bad to not be pregnant anymore and just have my baby. I miss being pregnant now. I miss the kicks and movement and my belly but most of all i miss the hope and excitement she brought into my life. I want to feel hope and excitement again. Im hoping that after Averys memeorial that my husband will feel differant and we can start trying again.
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