God damn it I want my baby girl back! I want to be pregnant and finally feeling those really strong kicks and for my husband to feel her kick. He never go to feel her at all:( I haven't had much time to myself to cry cause my sister is staying with us now and she doesnt like seeing me cry so I dont. I've held it in for over a week now. I still haven't gotten any answers or heard anything back on whether or not I can get genetic testing done before my next pregnancy. I want this to be one horrible dream but I know its not. This is real. I dont get to go shopping for my little girl. I never got to see who she would look like, I never got to see what color hair and eyes she would have. I dont get to see her first smile, or hear her first laugh. I dont get to see her roll over, sit up, pull up on things, learn to crawl or to walk. I dont get to plan her birthday parties. I dont get to see her go to her first day of pre-k, junior high, or high school. I dont get to be there when she has her first heart break. I dont get to see her get married. I dont get to see her have her own babies. I dont get anything since he took her away from me. I dont have anyone but you guys here cause I'm pretty sure my husband wants me to be over it already. And my friends dont like seeing me crying. I will never be over this. I lost my little girl. I thought I was finally gonna have my second child since I had my other two taken as well. But no just when things were finally good my daughter got her wings. Its not fair and I am super jealous of anyone pregnant or that has a newborn baby cause I wont get that for I dont know how long now. I miss you sooo much Jocelyn! I love you and I cant wait to see your perfect little self again! You are perfection!
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