I actually had the same thing happen with some tests that was done on my daughter. I was told that the machine they use to run the test wasn't working and then I was told once they were able to try the cell sample would not reproduce. They believe her death was not due to chromosmal abnormality (I made sure I got had a second opinion to read through all the fine lines) but they also came to an inconclusive cause of death. It is hard, and what you are feeling is absolutely normal and you have every right to feel this way. The only thing I can say is that time can make it a little more manageable. Having ups and downs is just apart of all the pain and grieve we carry. I also have put on a "show" for others, the only one who really sees how much this has taken from me is my husband. I feel like I need to show others I am strong, even when I really don't think I am. Just try to take things one day at a time. I know it's hard and 9 mos seems like an eternity but it WILL get here. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! Hugs!

I hope you can get some answer in the future... I'm so sorry.. I know how hard it is to not have answers.

I hate that you dont' have an answer to your baby's death. I wish these doctors would take this more serious. I feel like they say "well another stillbirth" and goes on. It isn't another stillbirth, it is a life that has been lost. They should make it a point to find out the cause. I too have to wait 9 months before I can try again and I hate it. It does some like for ever but we will get through it. Here if you would like to talk....

hi tiffburt, I think your very brave. I had to answer your post. I didnt want any tests done or post mortom on our son Harry beacause I didnt want to go through months and months of hurt and pain just to be told they couldnt find anything. Then the blame turns on yourself and we are going through enough anyway. your not insane just grieving, and I was putting on a show too. Now I tell people in the nicest way I can "I am not good today". I feel better then I dont have to pretend i a ok.

I'm so so sorry. We just got our results back as well and even though we do have an answer: an unidentified chromosome defect, we now have to go to a genetic counselor and be tested to identify the defect and do a risk assessment. So the pain continues for us. And knowing there was something wrong on a chromosome level still doesn't help me with the grief and hurt that my little girl is gone forever. It really never does stop hurting no matter how many answers we get, but my hope for all of us, is that with time it won't hurt soooooo much. I'm sorry you have to wait so long too - but maybe you need that time to heal, maybe it's a blessing in disguise.

Its so hard, because we all need answers, but I wish I did not receive the answer I received. My son James was perfect there was nothing wrong with him, It was negligence from the hospital and doctors that he died. I was in the hospital admitted to deliver my baby, and the hospital did not look at the signs the baby was giving or that I told them I felt something was wrong, and when they finally came to check on me it was too late. My doctor sat in front of me and said "your baby was perfect....he just had to be delivered earlier, it should of never happened in the hospital....Im so sorry"
So I have to live with the fact that because someone did not care enough for my son, he is dead..