We had our baby girl cremated. I have her ashes here at home. Her little urn on my dresser next to her picture and bunny so they're the first and last things I see every day. I've had people telling me that I should bury her ashes and that I'm wrong for keeping them. I honestly just can't wrap my brain around the idea of doing that. Just the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. My aunt told me "you should bury them, she's not there". The priest who officiated Grace's service has said something about it every time he gets a chance. He scoffed at my idea of planting a memory garden and spreading her ashes there. That hurt my feelings. Now he's recruited my Grandmother into trying to get me to do it. I just told them that I'm not ready for that and if and when I ever was I'd let them know. It hasn't even been two months since I had Grace for crying out loud. I didn't get to bring home my baby - I brought home an urn. I wanted my baby home with me, even if this was the only way. I feel in my heart that this is what she would have wanted, to be with her Mommy and Daddy. Every time I walk past my dresser I touch or kiss that little blue heart and tell her I love her. Sometimes I just hold it to my heart and think about how much I love her and wish she was here. It makes me feel like I didn't completely lose her. Am I wrong for this? Nobody wants to see Grace's picture or hear me talk about her or support me through my grief but they want to tell me what to do as far as her ashes. I can't process this!
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