I just wanted to introduce myself and say hello. I wish this group didn't have to exist and that none of you needed to be here, but I am glad that I found you at any rate. My story is a long and horrible one (as if losing a child is ever anything but). After years of infertility treatments and trying my husband and I finally conceived through IVF with ICSI. I was 39 when I became pregnant and was told how lucky I was at my age and with our infertility issues--those of you who have done IVF know how dramatically your chances are reduced after 40.

At 19 weeks our ultrasound showed problems--this was confirmed at a follow-up appointment with a specialist and our baby was found to have a rare type of kidney disease that was incompatible with life. His lungs were not developing, never would, and I had no amniotic fluid left. I was encouraged to end the pregnancy.

We couldn't schedule a hospital induction until 22 weeks, and so this Tuesday (is it really only days ago? It feels like weeks have gone by), I went into the hospital and gave birth to our son. It was the worst experience of my life, and my heart is broken. I have so many issues, feelings, questions and fears I don't know where to start, but I'm hoping that by opening myself up some of you can share your wisdom, experience and knowledge.