Hi all. I'm a new stepmom--just 6 months now. Two things have been driving me absolutely crazy--my husband's selfish ex and how he deals with her. She is one of those people who thinks it is very important to be SEEN as a good mom, but not necessarily BE a good mom. She has custody of the kids, but is never there for them. They (a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl) are total latchkey kids. They go to school, come home to an empty house, and play xbox until they go to bed. Their mom is always off doing her own thing. She makes the kids do all the housework and even makes the 14 year old boy (who is autistic) babysit her newborn while she goes out to fancy dinners with her new husband. She is lazy, selfish, and lies constantly. Every other weekend the kids come to our house. Now, my husband basically spends the whole time trying to make up for the lack of parenting happening at their mom's house. He spends hours working on homework with his son because his son is always behind in school because his mother can't be bothered to make sure he gets his schoolwork done. He also tries to pack the weekends with activities because they do absolutely NOTHING at their mom's house. My husband is a good dad. So what's my problem? Well he's been dealing with this woman for years and has gotten used to handling her a certain way and sometimes I just feel like I have no say in what is happening in our household. I have a 7 year old boy from a previous marriage and our lives are also effected by many of these decisions. I'm sure this seems minor to many of you, but my life and my son's life are affected by what days his kids come up, what time they are to be picked up and dropped off, what activities are planned when they visit, what they eat when they visit, when they go to bed when they visit, etc. The five of us are all crammed into a tiny house (which was just the right size for my son and I before I remarried) and when they come to visit I feel like a guest in my own home--I have no say in the household decisions until they go back to their mom's house. So, of course, when they do leave I breath a sigh of relief. My husband interprets this as me not liking his kids. It's not that. I just hate being made to feel like an outsider in my own home. My husband is a good man and his kids are good kids, I just don't know how to get him to understand that I really need to have some say in what happens in our home on these weekends when we're all together.
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