Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
MY STEPKIDS TOLD THERE DAD THEY WANT TO GO BACK TO LIVE WITH THERE MOM AGAIN. AND I FEEL LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT BECAUSE I MAKE THEM MIND AND RESPECT ME AND MY HOUSE. BUT THEY SHOULD I DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING FOR THEM. SO MY PROBLEM IS MY HUSBAND LETS ME DO ALL THE WORK FOR HIS KIDS BUT DOESN'T WANT TO INCLUDE ME IN THE OTHER STUFF LIKE WHERE THEY LIVE... AND I FEEL IF I AM GOOD ENOUGH TO SHOFFER THEM AND FEED THEM I SHOULD BE GOOD ENOUGH TO HELP WITH THIS ISSUE. BECAUSE WHERE THEY LIVE DOES EFFECT ME AND MY DAUGHTER JUST AS MUCH AS IT DOES THEM. SO WHERE DO I STAND????
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I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I think all of these things also need to be considered before anyone can comment ....it may not have anything to do with you or your actions
You have no power what-so-ever here. You are completely dependent on your powers of persuasion over your husband.
Kids are completely selfish. I don't care what the age. These kids are following their normal tendences to live where things seem easiest.
Once their bio-mother has to deal with them daily and they have to deal with her things will be different. And likely as not they're soon want to come back.
I'd suggest you stay out of this except for one rule. They can't come back soon. They have to stay at least six months. This will give them time to experience both the school experience and summer vacation.
You DO HAVE THE POWER in the decision of them returning. This is your home also. No one lives here without your permission. Of course your husband can always decide to take his children back - but live somewhere else. That is your power: "Not here".
In summation I would stop worrying about them leaving. In fact I would quietly support it. Let the kids know you want what's best for them and its worth a try. But tell them, and Dad, that if they go they must stay the minimum amount of time you've decided on. Make it clear that you WILL NOT agree to them returning sooner. Don't make a big deal of it but make it clear this is a firm decision.
You want them to have the full impact of living there so there is no bouncing back and forth as other families have experienced. Once these kids have the full experience and realize the full impact of moving it's likely they're want to come back.
But if they don't then you support the fact they're in a place they're more comfortable.
As for your rules - well I assure you that billions of children grew up without them. Maybe they didn't turn out like you would want but hey - so what? You are no longer responsible for how they turned out. Good or bad let it go.
And the time you've spent - most kids realize, finally, what their parents went through. When that time comes for these kids you're face will be in the picture.
Concentrate on raising your kid. You did good.