Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
Child support helps pay for clothes right? My DH pays child support every month and does extra for his kids beyond that. For the past year (since DH and I got married) his ex has been sending out torn, stained and too small of clothes for the kids. We have purchased new clothes every time they come out to visit. Not as many the 1st summer, but at Christmas we spent over $300.00 because we bought them clothes for Christmas and then had to buy them clothes for the week before Christmas.
So we started planning early for the summer. We purchased 12-13 outfits for the kids for the summer. When they got here, we discovered that the cloths she sent them with were dirty and, torn, and stained. Luckily we already purchased new clothes. Ok, but she also didn't send them with anything other than flip flopps and sandels for shoes and no jackets! So we had to purchase new shoes, socks and underwear when they got here. oh, she sent 3 pairs of socks and undies for a 6 week visit.
They went home 2 weeks early because of a death in the family. She spend $100.00 on school clothes, tank tops, capris, t-shrits, nothing for cool weather. She asked us to purchase additional clothes. We did for both kids. Luckily we had been purchasing items here and there so we'd have them the next time the kids came out. So we depleted our supplies and purchased more and took them out to the kids in September. We also purchased their school supplies and mailed them out. While out visiting in September we paid for a months worth of their school lunches. The kids' mom said she had paid a month, but when DH checked he found out they only had $2 & $4 credits on their accounts. That was another $80.00. School supplies were with some clothes were $118, not counting the other clothing items we purchased. Also, when we were there, the kids told us they needed more socks and underwear. So we purchased another packet of each for the kids. (We already did that during the summer and sent the stuff back with them to their moms.)
So to make a long story longer, bio-mom is complaining that DH doesn't help pay for more of their skating lessions, etc... She also informed DH on Monday that she gives the clothes we purchase for the kids to good will. We just gave them brand new clothes! Not the most expensive (Wal-mart and Sears), but they were brand new! We have neices and nephews that would have loved to have them and need new cloths!
Oh, I also have to complain that she has asked us several times to purchase new ice skating dresses for their daughter. We boughter her one last year for Christmas. Well my DH's ex didn't like it so she gave it away! She claimed it was too small. We have pictures of the daughter wearing it and it fit just fine. She would have outgrown it by now, but she could have warn it for a couple months. My sdaughter even said it fit, but her mom didn't like it.
My DH is convinced that we need to keep purchasing clothes for the kids and send them back with them no matter what their mom does. I see what he is saying, but I have a hard time just giving away clothes that may not have been designer, but new and my nieces and nephews would love to have them.
Has anyone had problems like this? What did you do? Do you know if the courts consider clothing when they calculate child support. We spend a lot of money on clothes and really dont' have a choice because she doesn't send them out with anything and if she does, they are too small and horribly stained. At Christmas and this summer she sent her son out with size 4T underwear. He's 10! She sent her daughter with torn 2T underwear and she's almost 8!
HELP!!!!!!
So we started planning early for the summer. We purchased 12-13 outfits for the kids for the summer. When they got here, we discovered that the cloths she sent them with were dirty and, torn, and stained. Luckily we already purchased new clothes. Ok, but she also didn't send them with anything other than flip flopps and sandels for shoes and no jackets! So we had to purchase new shoes, socks and underwear when they got here. oh, she sent 3 pairs of socks and undies for a 6 week visit.
They went home 2 weeks early because of a death in the family. She spend $100.00 on school clothes, tank tops, capris, t-shrits, nothing for cool weather. She asked us to purchase additional clothes. We did for both kids. Luckily we had been purchasing items here and there so we'd have them the next time the kids came out. So we depleted our supplies and purchased more and took them out to the kids in September. We also purchased their school supplies and mailed them out. While out visiting in September we paid for a months worth of their school lunches. The kids' mom said she had paid a month, but when DH checked he found out they only had $2 & $4 credits on their accounts. That was another $80.00. School supplies were with some clothes were $118, not counting the other clothing items we purchased. Also, when we were there, the kids told us they needed more socks and underwear. So we purchased another packet of each for the kids. (We already did that during the summer and sent the stuff back with them to their moms.)
So to make a long story longer, bio-mom is complaining that DH doesn't help pay for more of their skating lessions, etc... She also informed DH on Monday that she gives the clothes we purchase for the kids to good will. We just gave them brand new clothes! Not the most expensive (Wal-mart and Sears), but they were brand new! We have neices and nephews that would have loved to have them and need new cloths!
Oh, I also have to complain that she has asked us several times to purchase new ice skating dresses for their daughter. We boughter her one last year for Christmas. Well my DH's ex didn't like it so she gave it away! She claimed it was too small. We have pictures of the daughter wearing it and it fit just fine. She would have outgrown it by now, but she could have warn it for a couple months. My sdaughter even said it fit, but her mom didn't like it.
My DH is convinced that we need to keep purchasing clothes for the kids and send them back with them no matter what their mom does. I see what he is saying, but I have a hard time just giving away clothes that may not have been designer, but new and my nieces and nephews would love to have them.
Has anyone had problems like this? What did you do? Do you know if the courts consider clothing when they calculate child support. We spend a lot of money on clothes and really dont' have a choice because she doesn't send them out with anything and if she does, they are too small and horribly stained. At Christmas and this summer she sent her son out with size 4T underwear. He's 10! She sent her daughter with torn 2T underwear and she's almost 8!
HELP!!!!!!
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
I also hate the idea of buying cloths for her to give away when I have 14 nieces and nephews that would happily wear the kids' hand me downs and would be thrilled to get new clothes every once and a while.
I bought one dress for my SS that she didn't really care for and it didn't fit. Rather than taking it back (it was $7 on clearance) I gave it to my 5 yr old niece. That little girl was so happy! She wouldn't take it off for days and now she tells me it's her favorate. (Her mom can't afford all the cloths she needs because her ex only sends $200 a month in child support and he makes about $40K a year).
I also have to say, that I watched my dad struggle and go without so we could have new clothes every year. (My mom did similar stuff until we got older.)
Mommy3-I don' blame you one bit for feeling like he slept with her his problem. On some level I feel the same way! I really try to watch myself though because my DH is very good to me and the last thing I would want to do is hurt his feelings. He is one of those guys that are just amazing and even though I'm frustrated he's worth it. What size are your kids? Maybe we can start swapping clothes! :)
My DH won't go for keeping the clothes here because he would feel very guilty. He doesn't care what anything costs as long as his kids have what they need and he is doing everything to provide it.
But, to answer your question, child support is supposed to cover all of those costs. There is nothing in the divorce decree that says that you have to purchase additional stuff. From the sound of it, the kids are not getting the use of that stuff anyway. I would buy something that they can have at your house for when they visit, but I would not send any of it back to her house. Legally, there is nothing she can do to you, and I'm sure the kids know that you provide for them, so they won't think any less of you for not sending stuff that is going to be given to charity, which btw, she would get a tax credit for.
How do I effectively deal with DH's decision to keep sending clothes? He makes decent money, but pays out a lot so there isn't always extra to go around so that is when my paycheck comes into play. I hate the idea of separating his and mine because that isn't what a marriage is . Suggestions?
I would love to post emails from his ex---they are insane!
Amelia, I am curious if you're still affected by the horrible thing that your father did.
So yes, in a nut shell the ex is giving away brand new clothes because she claims the kids don't like them. I can think of 1 shirt that my SS probably didn't like, but it was a long sleeve T-shirt and would have been fine for play. He didn't have to wear it to school and if he didn't like it send it back. My nephews would have been happy to wear it.
Amelia, so do you think that if DH sends out the child support and purchases clothes for here that the kids will resent him/us? From what they say, they have tons of clothes with their mom? Oh, last Christmas, I took the kids shopping and they picked out what they would like within our budget.
In our situation, mom purchases $700 (so she says...but tends to lie a lot) ice skates and pays for 1 private lesson ($60 an hr) and public-$75 a month. My SS has a TV and computer in his room. We purchased SD a guitar for her birthday and "yoga" stuff for her to skate in. So the kids definately aren't wanting or needing. So if I'm understanding you correctly, we should continue to purchase additional clothes and always send them back with the kids even if biomom is going to give them away?
I am sorry to hear that you didn't get the items that you needed growing up. It is never fair that one child gets more than the other. Obviously it draws a very distinct line in the family. I grew up in low income family and didn't get everything I wanted, but my parents (divorced) always made sure we had what we needed. My dad used to purchase clothes for us and send clothes home with us, but we really didn't have a lot so he did what he could. He never paid for anything "extra" like musical instruments or sports. He always tried to make sure we had clothes, coats, and shoes. Anyway, my point, is I'm very sorry you had to grow up that way. It doesn't seem fair or right. Maybe someday your dad will understand the mistakes he's made and try to repair your relationship.
Amelia, I am so sorry that you went what you went through. It is very hard to understand a parent who will stand up for his children, or who won't buy what his children need. The only consolation in the whole thing is that getting everything you want doesn't make you a better person. I think you are to be commended for coming out of that as a good person. That speaks volumes about your character.