We found out about my step son about 2 years into our relationship 3 years ago. he was the result of a one night stand, they were never in a relationship. A test was done and my husband was concluded to be the father he was the last of many tested). After some time, we found out that my SS was in a bad living situation (drugs, alcohol and abuse) and as a result, ended up getting custody of him by default (she didn't disagree or respond to the papers). My SS has been with us for 2 years now. Since our marriage 6 months ago, she's gained an interest in my SS, calls him once a week but has also been trying to cause problems. We allowed her to have him for Christmas unsupervised because his last visit went ok (as far as we know). We found out that she has been trying to talk him into living with her, saying things like his baby sister won't remember him if he doesn't...or, if he shares things with us then we won't let him see her anymore. He has no choice yet, he is too young but she's making him think he has to choose between us. All of this started after our wedding...before that she really didn't put much effort into her son, only called maybe every 3-6 months. She also decided to marry her boyfriend whom caused her to loose her other child to the state. Anyway, I'm sure that it kills her to know my SS likes calling me mom and I'm sure she is jealous, I would be too..but she's not putting her child before her own insecure feelings and is trying to manipulate him. It's not right. That being said, should I make an effort to try and resolve this with her, or should I keep my mouth shut and stand idoly by while she corrupts and destroys my SS's sense of well being that we've worked so hard to build over these last two years? Both my husband and I want to be able to communicate with my SS's mother like adults, setting our own feelings aside, while putting my SS's best interests first before anything else. That doesn't seem to be happening on her end.
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