
Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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I have been married for 3 years to a wonderful man who came to the marriage with many issues following a difficult childhood with an abusive father and mother.
I have two sons, only one of them still lives at home, he is 18 yrs old.
My husband and son just can't seem to get along and I am torn between them. My husband believes that my son has no respect for him, my son believes my husband hates him. Both are strong willed and I know that some of my worries are based upon my own experiences with step-fathers.
I wonder if anyone can give me some advice?
At times I feel that my sons behaviour is normal teenage 'space cadet' stuff, my husbands own son displays the same but only visits us for the summer so it is less concentrated plus he is of course his natural son so the bond is different.
I can't make them like each other, I just want to salvage my own relationship with my son, and don't want that to change as my own relationship with my mother changed because of my step-fathers behaviour.
I have two sons, only one of them still lives at home, he is 18 yrs old.
My husband and son just can't seem to get along and I am torn between them. My husband believes that my son has no respect for him, my son believes my husband hates him. Both are strong willed and I know that some of my worries are based upon my own experiences with step-fathers.
I wonder if anyone can give me some advice?
At times I feel that my sons behaviour is normal teenage 'space cadet' stuff, my husbands own son displays the same but only visits us for the summer so it is less concentrated plus he is of course his natural son so the bond is different.
I can't make them like each other, I just want to salvage my own relationship with my son, and don't want that to change as my own relationship with my mother changed because of my step-fathers behaviour.
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I did have a long talk with my son last night and he agreed that my husband did have a point when he asked him to do/not to do certain things (clear away his own mess, do his chores, close his window to stop the heat escaping etc) small things but important for the smooth running of any household. He is going to try to remember to do what is expected although I don't hold out much hope of him succeeding, he can be thoughtless.
I also had a talk with my husband and pointed out that these were not unusual things to have to keep reminding teenagers to do. I also dared to mention his own son's behaviour, and reminded him that when we first married and his son was 10, I told him that he too would do the stuff my son who was then 13 did, he refused to accept this. When I spoke to my husband I pointed out that his son (who is now 13) |IS doing all the same things and that it isn't because the boys are bad, just normal.
I know he has trouble understanding this, as when he was young it was a case of.. do it, or get beaten. My husband is understandably very much against physical punishment.
Perhaps after a few days, they will both come around.
Thank you all again :)
I agree that what you've described is normal teenage behavoir. It's a very unusual teenager who doesen't, upon turning 30 years, looks back and say "I don't know what I was thinking".
They are living in a world other than ours and closing a window never crosses their mind.
Perfectly normal.
Only trouble is what I see as 'normal' my husband sees as disresepectful, he things that my son is deliberately ignoring him. It's not as simple as it sounds, to solve the problem I'll have to change my husbands mindset.... by the time I've done that, my son will be 40!
There are consequences in the world for being dispectful and your boy needs to learn that now not when he sasses the boss.
I don't think any of us meant to say the boy should get away with it but no one should take it personally.
We've all had a chat now, my son has agreed to try to be more respectful and remember that we're ALL responsibile for making this household a good place to live. My husband has agreed that sometimes he is a little unreasonable, he's going to leave all the 'little stuff' to me to sort, but reserves the right to step in if things get out of hand and I have agreed that I won't be so defensive of my son, he DOES have to account for his actions.
All is well! until next time ;)