In a way I have the same problem at home with my son and my husband. I have been married for 12 years, and my oldest son is 16 (turning 17 next month). It seems that they both want my attention, especially when I am in the middle of something with the other one, and it does create some tense moments. I think that your husband should be able to understand how important your relationship with your son is, and being the adult, the responsibility of trying to get along and to take the first step is on him. Your son should also understand that your husband is important to you and should be open to getting along with your husband, once your husband takes the first step.

He's 18 so should be moving out soon. Likely that's the ideal solution as they'll be apart.

well i hear you.. i have been with my fiance now for 4 years.. i have an 11(12 on the 19th of nov) and he has two daugthers 15 and one is going to be 17 in Jan.. and its the almost the same.. except i feel at times that i am stuck in a corner.. its like three againts two.. and one time my fiance told his oldest that she is putting him in a position of who he loves(her)and who he loves(me)but i am the one that doesnt have the respect and its seem that we are always argewing about HIS kids.. i think that all three of yous should maybe sit down and have a serious "adult" discussion..

Thank you all for your understanding and common sense.

I did have a long talk with my son last night and he agreed that my husband did have a point when he asked him to do/not to do certain things (clear away his own mess, do his chores, close his window to stop the heat escaping etc) small things but important for the smooth running of any household. He is going to try to remember to do what is expected although I don't hold out much hope of him succeeding, he can be thoughtless.

I also had a talk with my husband and pointed out that these were not unusual things to have to keep reminding teenagers to do. I also dared to mention his own son's behaviour, and reminded him that when we first married and his son was 10, I told him that he too would do the stuff my son who was then 13 did, he refused to accept this. When I spoke to my husband I pointed out that his son (who is now 13) |IS doing all the same things and that it isn't because the boys are bad, just normal.

I know he has trouble understanding this, as when he was young it was a case of.. do it, or get beaten. My husband is understandably very much against physical punishment.

Perhaps after a few days, they will both come around.

Thank you all again :)

Open communication between all involved. That was a good step mia.
I agree that what you've described is normal teenage behavoir. It's a very unusual teenager who doesen't, upon turning 30 years, looks back and say "I don't know what I was thinking".
They are living in a world other than ours and closing a window never crosses their mind.
Perfectly normal.

I've always had 'open communication' between me and my boys. My husband struggles a bit with talking about his feelings although he's getting much better (not much choice being married to me).

Only trouble is what I see as 'normal' my husband sees as disresepectful, he things that my son is deliberately ignoring him. It's not as simple as it sounds, to solve the problem I'll have to change my husbands mindset.... by the time I've done that, my son will be 40!

Being a normal teenager does NOT mean they can get away with anything.
There are consequences in the world for being dispectful and your boy needs to learn that now not when he sasses the boss.
I don't think any of us meant to say the boy should get away with it but no one should take it personally.

Oh I agree! and as with most teenagers, give him and inch he'll take a mile.

We've all had a chat now, my son has agreed to try to be more respectful and remember that we're ALL responsibile for making this household a good place to live. My husband has agreed that sometimes he is a little unreasonable, he's going to leave all the 'little stuff' to me to sort, but reserves the right to step in if things get out of hand and I have agreed that I won't be so defensive of my son, he DOES have to account for his actions.

All is well! until next time ;)