
Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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Does anyone have experience as the 'new woman' in the life of their partner and feel the pressure of not becoming just like 'the first wife' in the eyes of your in-laws and setting boundaries...etc.
Okay, that is too vauge...this is an experience I had with my new mother-in-law...
Just around X-mas time we were visiting her home during one of the VERY FEW visits we have with my husband's 4 year old son. I over heard my mother-in-law whisper to my step-son, "Amy is your new mommy. She is your mommy now."
Oh, wow! I didn't confront her infront of my step-son but it took all that I had to not get in her face about the INAPPROPRIATENESS of her behavior! Instead I waited and spoke to my husband about it and he approached his mother. The response from her was, "Oh, who cares. I don't care if 'ex-wife' gets mad." Although that was still inappropriate my husband seemed to have the 'that's just my mom' reaction. In my head, I'm screaming, sure, who cares about 'ex-wife' but what about your son, her grandson!?!? But I let it go...
As time has moved forward and I set my boundaries with my mother-in-law more and more as we learn more and more about eachother I am having trouble #1 respecting this woman and #2 sloshing off how exactly I became the responsible party for something that was in existance way before me and ignoring the undertones of how 'I'm just like the ex'.
I summize that the ex limits visits because of bad behaviors of this extended family and that although she shouldn't punish my husband for it that I have to say I GET IT?!? Is that awful of me? Seriously, I daydream about being able to compare notes with my husband's ex about his mother! Of course I never will but MY GOODNESS!
I don't know if any of this is logical or is a sensible read but does anyone have any sort of experience in the dynamic of this situation?
Okay, that is too vauge...this is an experience I had with my new mother-in-law...
Just around X-mas time we were visiting her home during one of the VERY FEW visits we have with my husband's 4 year old son. I over heard my mother-in-law whisper to my step-son, "Amy is your new mommy. She is your mommy now."
Oh, wow! I didn't confront her infront of my step-son but it took all that I had to not get in her face about the INAPPROPRIATENESS of her behavior! Instead I waited and spoke to my husband about it and he approached his mother. The response from her was, "Oh, who cares. I don't care if 'ex-wife' gets mad." Although that was still inappropriate my husband seemed to have the 'that's just my mom' reaction. In my head, I'm screaming, sure, who cares about 'ex-wife' but what about your son, her grandson!?!? But I let it go...
As time has moved forward and I set my boundaries with my mother-in-law more and more as we learn more and more about eachother I am having trouble #1 respecting this woman and #2 sloshing off how exactly I became the responsible party for something that was in existance way before me and ignoring the undertones of how 'I'm just like the ex'.
I summize that the ex limits visits because of bad behaviors of this extended family and that although she shouldn't punish my husband for it that I have to say I GET IT?!? Is that awful of me? Seriously, I daydream about being able to compare notes with my husband's ex about his mother! Of course I never will but MY GOODNESS!
I don't know if any of this is logical or is a sensible read but does anyone have any sort of experience in the dynamic of this situation?
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I have remarried and the same crazy stuff is happening all over again with this husband. What is it w/ Moms and their grown sons anyway?
Irreprehensible.
I'm not his mother, and in no way wish to compete to be his mother. I'm simply his father's new wife, and that simply makes me his "Amy" - I am an additional adult figure in his life to look up to, to learn from, etc. Our situation is the wrought with a bad bio-mom and if it was, her behavior would remain irreprehensible #1 and #2 it wouldn't at all be her place to 'explain' what and who I am to him (that's his father's job and mine).
I'm sorry...I just really CAN NOT see any reason or justification to harm, yes harm a 4 year old child like that - to confuse him - to scare him - all of it!
And didn't write about the fallout from my MIL's bad behavior as I wanted to focus on the behavior but what her choice caused was a four year old to question his step-father (two weeks later mind you), "When is mommy going away?"
Step-father's response, "Mommy isn't going away, why do you ask that?
Child's follow-up, "Because Amy is my new mommy, and not my mommy anymore."
So what exactly about that was productive, was positive for that child to soak in for nearly two weeks and be worried enough to ask about...it obviously didn't go in one ear and out the other.
And nevermind what my husband had to deal with from the ex...as she was not pleased and very understandably so. It took much calming and strength for all parties to stay adult, to explain that it hadn't come from me or my husband, and that we should have approched this with her (the ex) when it happend to avoid this child worrying as he did...
It was inappropirate and it cause a huge mess, and negatively impacted an innocent child.
I apologize.