Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
Ok. My DH and I have been married for 6.5 yrs. The ex is inconsistent with her relationship with me. For example sometimes she will say hello(mainly if the children are around), most of the time she ignores my existence (she will formally ask for my DH if I answer the phone without saying at least hello to me) she won't even wave if we are in the car dropping off or picking up the kids. She will ask favors of us relating to the kids and mainly for her convienience. She will speak to my DH in mutual presence yet won't hold eye contact or acknowledge me. Recently, we went out of our way to do something for the kids on her weekend, and when we picked them up i waved and she shot the bird at us?? What the H????
I consider myself a respectful person and if i don't like someone i will at least say hello, maybe not hang out with them but show some form of respect simply for their existence. So i guess what irks me is tired of doing extra things in the name of the kids sake when ultimately she benifits then repeatedly is disrespectful. MY dh is supportive yet feels guilty over not doing things for the kids knowing the ex won't.
I am confident enough that i don't need her "acknowledgements" of me yet i feel it is a power trip that she utilizes her children and their father without accepting my importance in this picture.
Any advice??
I consider myself a respectful person and if i don't like someone i will at least say hello, maybe not hang out with them but show some form of respect simply for their existence. So i guess what irks me is tired of doing extra things in the name of the kids sake when ultimately she benifits then repeatedly is disrespectful. MY dh is supportive yet feels guilty over not doing things for the kids knowing the ex won't.
I am confident enough that i don't need her "acknowledgements" of me yet i feel it is a power trip that she utilizes her children and their father without accepting my importance in this picture.
Any advice??
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Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...
My husband's ex hates me with no reason also, other then for the fact I support my husband in his children's lives. She will not look at me so speaking never happens. When it did, I was first. Even her 4 yr old had to tell her to say hi one time. We too have done things for the kids and with her feelins in mind and got no thanks from her - she only tries to make things miserable for us.
I don't understand the jealousy or hatred. I talked to my couselor about this once. She ended her marriage to my DH and remarried right away. The counselor said its not him she is jealous about, but that the kids like me. That's what she has a problem with.
I say if its for the kids and you and DH enjoy it then keep it up if you can. If its for the kids and you all are jumping through hoops for it, you may have to pick and chose so its doesn't cause strain in other ways.
I can't believe she shot you the bird...shows you how much class she has...
So theres your answer.
I assure you that the kids will appreciate what you did for them. Maybe not the details but they'll know.
In any event there is no effective way of bringing up this subject without opening up a can of worms.
Read some of the other stuff going on here, life could be a lot worse for you.
Does your husband acknowledge your work? Does he say thanks every time you help out? If not kick him in the pants. He should be made to realize how much you do put in for his kids.
Anyway... I know I joking but, seriously I can understand what you are going through. I dont know why it has been over 6 years and she is still acting this way. If your husband and you are on the same page then that can help your situation. Just be the better person and hopefully the ex monster will change into just the ex.
Remember, by nature, she is the X and you have just moved in on her territory. You have time with her kids whether she likes that or not. You also have time with her X. My husband said her X has nvr been the freak she is until I came along. We realized she still had hopes of them getting back together and I obviously ruined her dream! She even started sending him Happy Anniversary cards on their wedding date since I came into the picture.
So while X's are freaks and rude and disrespectful, realize it isn't just you, it's whoever was going to be the person who entered her kids and X's life that she is going to have a hard time with. It just happens to be you. Does that make sense? She is grieving the fact that her kids are having a relationship with another woman and thus may be insecure/jealous or whatever. Whatever you do, do NOT stoop to her level. With X's everything ends up in court. Let her be the 1 with the poor behavior. It's hard, but take the high road! ; ) Good Luck!
Second, Molly05... You are hilarious! Loved the sense of humor in your reply.
Nickelback, I'm here for ya if you need to vent. Just message me. I've dealt with my DH's ex for going on 4 years now and I still get the nasty looks and comments made behind my back to my 10 yr old SS. Some commments have also been made to my DH. What I've come to realize, is that she doesn't matter in my marriage and does not affect my universe. If she is willing to go through life as a miserable, horrible person, then that is her choice and I cannot change her. Does she still get me riled? YES! But, only where it has an adverse effect on my SS's well-being. I've learned to do things for my SS and not for the ex. Keep doing what you are doing and love, support and care for your DH and your SKs. If the Ex-Monster chooses to flip you off and not "play" nice, then give her the mental flip off and say good riddance to bad rubbish. Your only concern is the love and committment you have to your man and those kids. Let her remain a miserable excuse of a person and let her wallow and self-destruct in it.