I need to tell my stepmom to stop meddling and commenting on my father and my relationship. She has always put my father on a pedastal, take his side, and put me down. She'll comment to me about how ungrateful she thinks I am and how my father thinks I use him as a wallet. My father is never happy. He has low self esteem and has always been a complainer. I have always done everything my father asks, gone to all of his events, and paid for everything myself. Even when he invites everyone out to dinner I'll pay for drinks before hand so I contribute something and don't have to hear him complain about it. It feels like I just can't do enough for him, bc he is so emotionally needy. Anyways he made some really bad decisions, wasen't able to respect my boundaries, and hurt my feelings, so I've decided to stop talking to him. The last straw was when he hurt my siblings and my feelings by deciding to bury my brother ashes after 15 years without our concent. When he told us and we all disagreed, but he went through with it anyways. He didn't tell anyone else in the family about it like he said he would, so my mom still does not know. The day he told us he was going to do it was the same day I had to clean out my moms house before the foreclosure. It was the last time I stepped into my childhood home and was a very stressful day. I told my father how stressful it was going to be for me that day and that I didn't want to go to dinner at his place that evening. I told him that I would be stressed out and I would go to dinner when I found out my siblings were going and he was making it is birthday dinner. Lossing the house was stressful enough and it was wrong for him to make any part of it about him, or burying my brother. That night wasen't the first time he overstepped his boundaries and completely hurt my feelings. The year before he implied at Christmas that I was ovbiously a slut for planning afterwards to go to a holiday party at my boyfriends aunt's house. It was as if he didn't believe I was going to a holiday party and he was telling everyone else that I was a slut. Instead of thinking of others, or rethinking his decisions he continues with his plans and never apologizes. I decided to stop talking to my father after the burial decision, bc I had tried to set up boundaries with him and let him know how stressed out I was going to be. I felt he clearly crossed boundaries by telling us he was burying my brother that day. I felt it was disrespectful to make that day about him. Afterwards he went through with the burial plans and never called for a few months until my birthday. He left a short message on my voice mail wishing me a happy birthday, but I don't recall any apology. It seems like he has only mades an attempt to reconnect during the holidays and its usually just an invitiation to family celebrations, or card that he writes wish I could see you. It's my stepmom who purchases the card or gift. I always send thank you cards for any invitiation or gift. Last year I sent them all the home videos on DVDs as a gift, but I only got a response from my step mom saying he won't watch them, bc of how painful they are. This year I sent a medical management spreedsheet I put together and she sent an email back saying they won't use it. She also adds something about how much I'm hurting my father and how much of a good man he is. I wish she wouldn't get involved at all. It's not like he's the one emailing me, or making any genuine attempt at reconnection. I want to tell her to mind her own business, but don't know how.
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