we have always tried for 10+ years to have good relationship with husbands x. she's sort of a negative person and has a "i did everything right and my husband is at fault" sort of an attitude. I pushed visits when we first married because husband let x run the show for visits 4 fear of her taking daughter away completely. regular visits happened later and after 6 months our daughters (5 yrs apart) got along super and as long as we let his x run the schedule for visits and we didn't ask for holidays (always celebrated x-mas early on our weekend) and didn't rock the boat all was well. we even all went on couple short vacations together and i tried hard to be her friend for sake of step daugher and peace in family. but, as she got older and more active in sports and school weekends started being missed so we started pushing for time because we love her and it never seemed to matter. they would never confirm a drop off time for "our" friday night and never told us of events on "our" weekend until last minute. then sunday pick up time was always "i'll call you" instead of confirm a time so we could plan. if we tried to ask ahead of time for make sure plans for "our" weekend we just wouldn't get a response and they'd claim they didn't get the message or they forgot. now as step daugher gets older we find that it's not just her mom but her too... if anything at all comes up she will choose us last over almost any activity and we have to push for even a little notice. we started to notice that if something special were planned at hour house or my daughter had special b-day plans or we had special trip or something then the time would be carved out of their schedule so stepdaughter could participate but if it was just normal weekend then we weren't choosen over any other activity that might come up. we've realized now that step daughter is really just wanting to do her own thing and her mom has really provided well for her and induldged all her interests and made life very full for her daughter thinking that giving her everything and keeping her busy that she's escape teenage problems and always have her daughter as her little best friend too. but now with some discipline because of boy problems step daughter is allowed to treat her dad like crap when he puts his foot down and x gives in to everything and just gives more material things and activities and plans things on "our" weekends and doesn't push daughter to come see us if she's mad at her dad. finding out that it doesn't matter even if she doesn't see her step sister for all this stuff going on and they have always been close. we are so tired of the constant push we have to make to find out of she's going to visit us and when and tired of always being last on the list of priorities even when things are going good that we just want to back off and let it all go. is that wrong of us? step daughter is turning out to be spoild and manipulative but she's also really smart and gets really good grades and as far as actual good behavior she's been good. we just always thought that when she got a little older and could speak up for herself that she's tell her mom that she wanted to come over for "our" weekends but turns out the mold is already cast and she wants what she wants and if we don't fit in or we make her mad then she just will not talk to us and that's ok with her mom too. we're tired of it and want to just focus on our own lives and see if stopping our attempts to push into her life changes anything or if she's happy just seeing us when it's up to her and works for her own needs
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