Why is it when I was without children but acting as stepmom for my SD for 7 years, I started off using my instincts to be a mother, instantly- until the "snakes" started biting (BM drama, BF protective, ILs accusing). Now as a stepmom, I have grown to genuinely love my SD but I still don't feel like a "mom" to her (except a SM). I look at her as a niece or very close family friend. I guess, for me, it may be because I have no say, my DH is easily offended when I have concerns about her behavior or how things are decided between him and BM, and my ILs are currently not speaking to me because they think I don't like her and that I don't do anything for her. When on the contrary, I have always been the primary caretaker for her when she is visiting. As a biomom, I am much different than as a SM. Its funny because with my DS & DD, my DH supports every concern/decision I make and insists I implement most decisions, my ILs are barely involved with my kids and my bond with my own is so deep and unexplainably incredible! Its just interesting to me the difference between SM and BM and how people expect you (as SM) to love SK just as unconditionally as you would your own. (and I know some people who can't even do that with their bio kids...) Such high expecations for SMs...what do you think?
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