I took the HPT this morning, and it was a big fat --- . I guess I shouldn't be that upset, but it kills me that I'm not pregnant. I want to be a mother more than anything in life, and I would give my last breath just to be a mother. When I go to work it's like the world of pregnant women is thrown in my face. All day long I deal with pregnant women, or children in the store with their parents. Why can they have a baby and I can't Lord? Why do people that don't deserve children getting pregnant? When will it be my turn Lord? When will I become a mother? It's not fair that people who don't deserve children get pregnant. I want it to be me that's pregnant. I can't stand not being pregnant, or a mother. I've wanted to be a mother ever since I helped raise my godkids, but knew I was going to wait until I found the right man to have them with, and knew I wanted tot wait until I had the money saved up and am ready for the responsibilities of it all. Well I found the right man, I have the money saved up, and I'm ready for all the responsibilities of having a baby. Any of the fetility treatments are very expensive, and my fiance isn't quit ready to look into adoption yet. He trys to be nice when he tells me to relax, but it feels like he's giving up. I know he is only trying to be sweet by telling me to relax, because when I get too stressed out my asthma acts up really bad. He wants a child just as bad as I do, but always trys to keep my calm so my asthma won't act up. I do have some good things happening in my life soon. My birthday is in 4 weeks, also my fiance and I are getting married in July.
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