I have to ask...will she be better off with her father? From previous posts it seems like you really love your SK and think of them as your own and that their dad doesn't play a huge role in their lives. I think by asking her to leave is sending the opposite message. It isn't showing her unconditional love.

Also, ask yourself this, if there wasn't a biodad and you were it, would you even consider sending a 14 yr old away? Don't get me wrong there are some kids that are troubled and need some professional help that some parents aren't able to provide, but really ask yourself if this is your daughter or one of those times.

I don't have 14 yr old step-kids yet, but being a 14 yr old (at one point) and having divorced parents and numerous step-dads, 14 is a hard age and if you add on all the other stuff that is going on in her life...I would bet she is really struggling internally.

I would suggest getting her into counseling, definately setting limits and not giving in to her "poor" judgement. You may have to check on her daily...school...etc...but in the end it will be worth it. If she doesn't get the disciple and love from you, she may never get what she needs.

Thanks for the feedback. I really do love her and her brother...but she hsimply got to get it that she is NOT in charge of the adults. Either she learns it or she will have to leave. We cannot afford this much disruption at this intensity for this long!

Just remember....do not lie to her!!!
Be careful what promises you make.

Sometimes you half to jerk their chain, let them know there are consequences in life.
You are the best one to make this decision. I agree with the advise that you not make any threats you're not prepared to carry out.
Moving in with someone else may teach her not only that there are consequences but that life can be much worse without a person in the house that cares.
Try it.

Thanks. She came home sick (100.5 temperature) and was still nasty. I told her to get in her room and if she isn't packing she is wrong. She called the sperm donor, who doesn't do squat, and complained. He told her oh well. I told her she is till OUT!

14 sucks....i remember 14, it is a nasty age....i have a 22 yr old sd and she is going through a nasty stage as well...i dont know what it is if it is hormones or just doing things to upset you....perhaps some time with her dad will remind her how easy she has it at home...i would try sitting her down and explaining to her how life works and the consequences of not complying...i would also point out that bad grades, bad friends and bad desicions will only get her to a place that no one wants to be...a single teenage mom or working at a checkout for the rest of her life.

When the kid is MAD, ur doing ur job!!!Defience disorder? My 14 yr old is brutal. But getting better.(some). Shes grounded all the time.Gets in house and suspended. Poor work . Tells the teachers she not doing nothing. 1.8 GPAHer calls r screened. Now they call 1a.m, her friends. When she doesnt get off phone we unplug it. Keep going with her dont let her intimadate u. Make her stay in her room for a month. Strictly. Let her bang scream, Dont respond!!Mine busted her big mirror in her room. I almost ran in to make sure she was ok but stopped. She came down later looking at me like i was crazy. We stick to every threat and shes sick of it. Shes thinking twice. They said same thing ODD. Screw that label!!!My new, first husband is now fully involved. Dont threaten father. Thats leverage on her part. This is ur home. What made me get brutal after she was a @#$ she talked to her friend, laughing about a boy. That was it. Its a game to them at this age.A joke. Let her fail this class on her own. She suffers the consequences not u !!!!!!!!!!

Me again. Ur losing ur temper. Oh I dont blame u. Take a new approach. Smile. Say"ur grounded" with everything from begging ,scamming,lies,sneaking. Homework is her responsibity not urs. Only if she needs alittle help. Tell her its sink or swim. Mine hated me for a long time(years) . Oh well she get over herself!!

I do the same to my mom and step-dad and did it to my step-mom and dad when I lived with them. It's just lack of caring. They are just people who are in your lives for a short time then you move and you don't have to worry. At this age theres really nothing to care about but your friends. Atleast in my eyes. That's it. That's how I see it and that's probably how your teen see's it.

I have no advice to offer, I can only relate my own experience. When my parents divorced, my dad moved far away from us, and we stayed with our mom. I was a teenager with major attitude towards everything. My mom would threaten to send me to live with my dad, and all that did was make me feel as though I was disposable to her and I acted out worse. Please don't make this child feel that way.

I'd ground her and take away all the things she enjoys like computer time, t.v., telephone, video games. All she gets is books, books and more books. Little miss just needs to know where she stands and that you are the parent. I'd tell her that if she picks up her grades then she can have one thing back at a time. Staying out until 2? I don't think so. It's YOUR house, she lives under your roof so you make the rules, not her. Best to you

Lock the door so she has to sleep outside. Trust me when that happens. It really sucks. And I agree with Anne. It does suck when that happens and she is forced to bring up her grades.

Unconditional love is a great thing but it doesn't mean your kids have the right to disrupt your life as much as they have.My husband and I have already made the decision to send his 14yr old packing if he's not respectful and humble towards adults. I don't know if the biodad is the right or wrong person, maybe a bording school would be better. But don't let her ruin your life or the life of the other family members. Think about the message your sending to your other kids. Kids don't rule the universe.

In no ways am I trying to humiliate or embarass her. I have tried scolding, grounding, removing priviledges, screaming, the silent treatment...she INSISTS she is on the same level as adults. What do I do next spank her...she is too old for that? I have also tken away curling irons, hair straighteners, make up. Amy, is usually a good girl...but this nasty attitude MUST GO!!

I am a child of a step family. When my mother met the man I now call my dad he had two sons and a daughter. his oldest, douglas, tried to literally tried to kill me on more than one occasion. But mother God bless her, NEVER gave up him, he walked out, she never left. She just loved him with her whole entire heart. We had an exstremly rough couple of years. But the way my mother looked at it, "he had one mother that left, I cant imagine what he would be like if I left too" Now my BROTHER douglas, is beyond genius status, he is sooo smart. And sooo caring. he will be 24 yrs old in jan and he is a good man..because my mother stuck refused to give up! Dont give up .. families DONT quit on each other.