Hello all! Well, I've moved from the divorce discussions, to fitness (I'm a cerfified personal trainer) and now I'm here and seeking opinions as I've found that Daily Strength is a place chock full of warm, compassionate, intelligent humans! Here's the issue I'm facing. I'm in love with Alan. He's in love with me. We're both 51. As the lease on my apt. is up in October and I have no desire to remain here (this place is where my ex and I lived), the timing of our moving in together is perfect! This is the man I want to be with to the end. He feels this even more strongly than me. Now for the problem. His 21 year old daughter and 27 year old son live with him, rent free. His son has cystic fibrosis and diabetes. Alan knows he will outlive this son. The son doesn't work (he receives a disability check) and is supported by his father. He's home all day, everyday and does nothing but eat and watch TV. The daughter works part time. The son and daughter fight constantly as she resents having to "feed & take care of" him. Before I came into the picture, the daughter was the "boss". She's a nice young woman, but she makes it very clear who is "boss". These are adults, not children. I've told Alan that my moving in to THEIR home would be very uncomfortable for me. I suggested that, perhaps, these grown children could remain there as the rent is very reasonable and we could find a place for the two of us. Nope, not an option. Excuses abound and then he throws the, "would you have me throw my children out" line at me. These are not children. These are young adults. The son has held jobs in the past. Has been married and has a child but prefers having daddy support him. Add to this that the house is a mess! I walk in the door and just cringe. The "kids" never clean, Alan works 12-14 hour days and is never there as he's at my place. These "kids" show an absolute lack of responsibilty to anything but their own needs. My heart wants nothing more than to be with this man. THIS man. Not his children. My options are limited. I'm starting a business so my money is tied up there. I will have to move where I can afford which is a town 150 miles from here. He knows this. He is scared to death that this will be my decision. I know if I move into their home I will feel forever uncomfotable and never "home". It will never be My Home. My friends are telling me that I shouldn't even consider moving into this situation. That I will become the cook and maid (they know me well!) and be resentful and unhappy. I agree. My stress level is huge as I must make a decision. Any and all opinions/advise would be most appreciated. Thank you for reading this!
Posts You May Be Interested In