Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
My husband and I were doing pretty good. Then my father in law was put in the hospital. We live about 1900 miles from the rest of my husband, Jeff's, family. He drove out, got to see his dad, his dad had a heart attack and we lost him. I flew out to NY even tho I was in the middle of classes to retrain for medical transcription and health records.
We drove home together after everything was settled. We have six kids between us. My 3 and his 3. My 3 accept him and are fine with him. All the kids are grown and out of the house. His kids don't talk to me at all except when they come to visit and that is rare and it is only social. His middle son is expecting a baby in August. I am concerned about the grandparenting aspects with his son. We talked about it a little on the way home, but he is very afraid of losing his kids if he says anything at all to them about us.
Two days after we got home, I went back to class. He had not returned to work yet. While I was gone, he went out drinking, passed out and he wasn't home when I got home. then he called and said he is ok and on the way home, no other details. When he got home, I could smell him a mile away. He was sick...looked like he had thrown up all over himself. He lost his work computer that he had taken to the bar. Since he already had a DUI once, we both know the next time he is stopped for drinking he will lose his license for three years. He doesn't know how he got home. We both agreed no more alcohol and we threw it out. He is planning to go to AA. Amazingly, he got his computer back from a homeless guy he met in the bar who had it. So he won't be in trouble with work about the computer which could have cost him his job.
Its one day at a time for us right now. I blew up at him yesterday and we both recognize this is serious. He admits he is an alcoholic. I have classes again tonight, but he told me he is going to the doctor to get something to sleep since he hasn't been sleeping.
We are supposed to talk about the kids Saturday night. I very much want to get on the same page as far as dealing with them. There is just so much going on right now.
I guess I am not really asking any questions, just pouring out my heart. I have started shutting down toward classes and its not like me. I carry a 4.0 so far. Just feel so empty inside. Nerves are shot and most of the time, tears are about a quarter of an inch from the surface. I am able to sleep which is a blessing.
anyway, i have to get going. i have two tests today and i really don't care what kind of grade I get. how messed up is that?
just me,
Pauline
We drove home together after everything was settled. We have six kids between us. My 3 and his 3. My 3 accept him and are fine with him. All the kids are grown and out of the house. His kids don't talk to me at all except when they come to visit and that is rare and it is only social. His middle son is expecting a baby in August. I am concerned about the grandparenting aspects with his son. We talked about it a little on the way home, but he is very afraid of losing his kids if he says anything at all to them about us.
Two days after we got home, I went back to class. He had not returned to work yet. While I was gone, he went out drinking, passed out and he wasn't home when I got home. then he called and said he is ok and on the way home, no other details. When he got home, I could smell him a mile away. He was sick...looked like he had thrown up all over himself. He lost his work computer that he had taken to the bar. Since he already had a DUI once, we both know the next time he is stopped for drinking he will lose his license for three years. He doesn't know how he got home. We both agreed no more alcohol and we threw it out. He is planning to go to AA. Amazingly, he got his computer back from a homeless guy he met in the bar who had it. So he won't be in trouble with work about the computer which could have cost him his job.
Its one day at a time for us right now. I blew up at him yesterday and we both recognize this is serious. He admits he is an alcoholic. I have classes again tonight, but he told me he is going to the doctor to get something to sleep since he hasn't been sleeping.
We are supposed to talk about the kids Saturday night. I very much want to get on the same page as far as dealing with them. There is just so much going on right now.
I guess I am not really asking any questions, just pouring out my heart. I have started shutting down toward classes and its not like me. I carry a 4.0 so far. Just feel so empty inside. Nerves are shot and most of the time, tears are about a quarter of an inch from the surface. I am able to sleep which is a blessing.
anyway, i have to get going. i have two tests today and i really don't care what kind of grade I get. how messed up is that?
just me,
Pauline
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I miss traveling with my husband. Has anyone found a specific site regarding cruising for widow/widowers or any sightseeing trips. Not interested in being with couples and kids,,,I realize a cruise ship will have a portion size of families and couples, but perhaps they also put together a part of the cruise ship for groups of widows/widowers????
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A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
I think that right now you have too much on your plate to try and make sense of everything.
I would suggest that you tackle one issue at a time. To start, it sounds like school and your husband are the primary things that need to be addressed. I would try and be supportive of your DH and focus on school. I wouldn't worry about your kids and his kids and the on the way grandchild. You have more important things to worry about.
If he's serious have him ask his Doctor for the drug I've provided a link to below. If he agrees to take this pill I guarantee you he will not drink more than one more time.
But beware, they may be alcoholics but they're not stupid and they can hide the pill in the cheek or under their tongue. Maybe it can be disolved in water so you can watch him take the whole thing.
I encourage you to stick with him while he fights this as long as he's making progress. However most alcoholics "fall off the wagen" before they're free enough of the urge to start functioning normally. As long as they start right back again that's normal so roll with it.
Join AlAnon - first on-line then you can even go to their meetings. Its a side of AA for concerned friends and relatives of alcoholics.
The link to the drug is:
http://substanceabuse.suite101.com/article.cfm/a_pill_to_cure_alcoholism_
I did check out the drug link. I think I can already hear him say "no way" but I will see if there is a good time to bring it up. I am sure he will go along ok for awhile and then the craving will begin to eat at him. i think joining al anon on line is a good idea. I didnt know you could do that.
I will let you know how it goes...thanks for your support. It is really great to have someone to talk to.
Hugs,
Pauline
I don't want to get stuck in any sort of patterns of being lied to, but I think i will know if he does go out. So far he has gone a week without drinking. We have another couple coming over Friday night and he has said he will try to open up to them about what is going on. I really feel he has to start being open with other people about the struggle.
as for me, its hard to concentrate. i am getting out, going to classes, but feeling sick to my stomach all the time. I can't figure out if its sadness over losing dad, or fear of being lied to about the drinking, or depression over dropping the class, or something else. its just a ball of stuff.
Thanks for your encouragement. It means so much and keeps me going. I keep encouraging my husband but remembering he has to make his own decisions, and so do I. We are taking it one day at a time.