Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
I have been in a relationship for the past 5 yrs. I have 2 girls 13 & 15yrs( the eldest was manipulated by her father at an early age & doesnt speak to me in fear of upsetting her father) & my partner has 3 boys (9, 11 & 13). Our children live in different states. I travel interstate every F/N to have contact with my daughter & every other w/e we have with my partners boys. I work full time, we have a new business & Im studying externally.
Life with the boys is chaotic & frustrating. I will honestly say that I am harder on them: A: because they recieve zero discipline from their bio mother & B: because our home wouldnt function if there were not constant reminders to "not wear your muddy boots inside, dont nail things into the wall " etc etc.
As hard as it may seem, I feel my partner is completely incapable of being a parent. He grew up without a father. He has minimal communication skills, he has no idea what is going on in his children's lives & he doesnt know how to engage them in any way, shape or form.
I started off by trying to be the " super - step mum" , try & save them in my own delusional way.I took them everywhere, did the homework, entertained them, took time off work for them, blah blah blah.... until I realised that this was not benifiting my partners relationship with them & they STILL treated me like the maid. I then began to back away. I no longer set the rules, I worked the w/e they had contact etc only to have my partner resent them & me even more.
Unfortunately he displays the same dyfunctional behaviour with my daughter. So more recently ( following a huge blow up by her) I made it clear that I wanted to travel interstate alone to spend time with my daughter - one on one. This has created world war 50!!!!!. Is it fair that I spend mother- daughter time 3 days out of 14 alone with her or am I "splitting the family" as my partner puts it. I have lost so much time with them that at times Im not sure if Im overcompensating or just doing what I should be doing as a mother of a teenage daughter. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Life with the boys is chaotic & frustrating. I will honestly say that I am harder on them: A: because they recieve zero discipline from their bio mother & B: because our home wouldnt function if there were not constant reminders to "not wear your muddy boots inside, dont nail things into the wall " etc etc.
As hard as it may seem, I feel my partner is completely incapable of being a parent. He grew up without a father. He has minimal communication skills, he has no idea what is going on in his children's lives & he doesnt know how to engage them in any way, shape or form.
I started off by trying to be the " super - step mum" , try & save them in my own delusional way.I took them everywhere, did the homework, entertained them, took time off work for them, blah blah blah.... until I realised that this was not benifiting my partners relationship with them & they STILL treated me like the maid. I then began to back away. I no longer set the rules, I worked the w/e they had contact etc only to have my partner resent them & me even more.
Unfortunately he displays the same dyfunctional behaviour with my daughter. So more recently ( following a huge blow up by her) I made it clear that I wanted to travel interstate alone to spend time with my daughter - one on one. This has created world war 50!!!!!. Is it fair that I spend mother- daughter time 3 days out of 14 alone with her or am I "splitting the family" as my partner puts it. I have lost so much time with them that at times Im not sure if Im overcompensating or just doing what I should be doing as a mother of a teenage daughter. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
In a few years your kids will be grown up and you can look around for another partner.
he told me the very first day he met me that his kids come first, and he's stuck to that ever sence. even at the times when i've selfishly become impatiant because a converstaion became to long with one of his daughters and we had somewhere to go..he basically told me..to bad these are my kids and im going to spend as much time with them as i need to. and im still here..i'm still with him..i still love him and all the kids. i don't think you're it's horrible of you to want to spend time with your daughters..and you work you take care of your family and your daughters are part of that...if i was in your shoes i'd go and explain to my husband that if he really loved and understood as a parent what i need to do then he'll back off. good luck.
I think he needs to grow-up and take care of his own kids.