Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
well get this been with my new man for three years now when we first started dating the kids were pretty good to me he of couse let them do what ever they wanted as things progressed we moved intogether i have six chilldren of my own wich i share custody with there father and have a good relationship with him and his new wife..well the older of the two boys 12 at the time was into pot weed whatever you would call it..his stepdad had a plantation of the shit and would make him pick buds from the trees and they would sell it they were caught in the end and charged anyway the boys would come stay with us every week end and i noticed that the older boy would look stoned.i informed his father of this and we mad a pack to search his bag every time he came down as i did not wont this poor child to be doing this.so every time we found the shit we would flush it down the toilet.so eventually he hated my guts still does and i dont no how to win him over.meanwhile his mum rings me to give me a reving how i hate her son that im a bitch to him and that i dont really no my partner at all they he still busts the moves on her when he drops the younge son of..wich i no is untrue..then four days later she has a massive stroke is in hospital not doing very well a all as a blood clot burst in her brain from her neck..now im really concerned that the boys will think im to blame for this..i do love them very much and there dad is my life how do i win him over..
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
In my own experience...with my step mom finding a place in my heart and myself finding a place in my step daughter's heart...I find being 'real' works the best. Showing love, even if you don't feel it right away, compassion and understanding. Try to put yourself in their shoes as objectively as you possibly can. At some point those children are going to be adults, and hopefully they will be able to see through any lies their mother may have told them (as I did).
However, since joining this community, I've found that I have a very different situation than most people. There was very little (but still some) conflict initiating both relationships, and my DH's ex wife welcomed me with open arms. I haven't had to deal with half the drama most of these people have...they may be able to offer better advice.
I wish you the best of luck anyways.
Anyway, I would only suggest that you take things one day at a time. Take it slow. While your SS is mad because you basically wouldn't let him smoke pot (good for you) it will take some time to get over that. He is a teen and during that time all teens hate their parents. step parents are even worse. Anyway, I would keep slowly plugging away at him. Do small little things for him while in your house. Maybe make his favorite dinner on occassion or surprise the kids with a small gift. Maybe ask if you can play a video game with him. Give him time to come around and realize you're not the enemy. Your actions will speek volumes for your character even over his mother's nasty words.
You can't change his life now what you have to work for is the future. What impact your influence will have then.
Good Luck!