I married my husband last July, and he has full custody of his 4 (almost 5) year old stepdaughter. For the most part she's sweet, but she has never had a constant and responsible female figure in her life. Her mother is nowhere around and when she was, she was very unstable. Her grandmother let her do whatever she wanted. Now that I'm in her life, I try to be a responsible and consistent parent. But since it's always been just her and her dad, I feel like she harbors a lot of resentment toward me. And the father doesn't make it that easy because he is not consistent with his discipline. His excuse is that daughters always have their dads wrapped around their fingers. This puts me in a very difficult situation because I am the one who has to provide the consistency, and my husband has made comments about it. He said that's what moms do. Now, though, he says that I'm too strict with her. And she's beginning to not want me around. I thought it would help if she had alone time with her dad, but now it's worse. I don't know what to do. My parents are still married, so I've never been in this situation before. I don't know how to be a good parent/role model while at the same time dealing with the feeling that I'm not an equal member in my own house. I have never felt this way before, and I want to change both my behavior and attitude before I permanently damage my relationship with both my husband and my stepdaughter.
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