i am a step mom and it is not easy...my step kids are 22 and 20 and i still find it hard to realte to them...we try to live up to your bio parents and get critisised for it...we try to help and we are sticking our noses in where we are not wanted but if we do nothing we are doing the wrong thing too....we dont know where we fit into the grand scheme of things...my step kids have told some terrible lies about me and made my husbands family take their side but i cant say a thing about it....be nice to all of you parents...try to get along....you never know maybe she can teach you some stuff you mom never would and try to relax it is hard for everyone..my parents divorced when i was 8 and both of my parents remarried so i know what you are going through and it sucks...any time you want to bitch feel free to come chat to me.

I have a step-mom. They are always nice at first. Well not really. The first time I met my step-mom I made me cry. Not purposely though. My step-mom got pregnant now she is just really mean. I would play with my baby sister and she would yell that she needs to be with the baby. It's annoying. She doesn't care about me, but she cares for my real brother. She is pregnant again with my half-brother. I think that after they get pregnant they start to think that "Oh well your dad got me pregnant you don't matter anymore. I have a kid now. Go with the mother who had you 'cause I don't want you anymore"

*Made her cry.

Well you are about to find out how grown up you are.
Your step mother went through a hellish experience losing her baby. Anybody who has had that happen or understand the loss will tell you its as bad as losing a live child. You can use your search engine if you want more on that subject.
People handle grief in many different ways and it appears that she ignored you while she dealt while healing herself. Unless someone is doing harm to themselves or others people are allowed to grieve how they want. We let them work through it and we don't hold it against them later on.
She has apparently decided its time to go back to being herself and even overdoing the mothering part. This could be for two reasons:
She's trying to make it up to you or she's compensating for the lost child by making you her lost child.
I would suggest you forgive her and let her continue her mothering. This would be the greatest kindness you could do for her.

I think it's good that you are at least thinking of giving her another chance. I lost a child 17 1/2 years ago, and every year on the day that I lost it is like an anniversary of the day I lost my dad. I had a name picked out, and I had everything planned for this child, like I have done for the 2 children that I have now. It took me about 9 months to be somewhat normal, and that was because I found out I was pregnant again. Give her a chance to show you that she can be a good parent, and you can learn from this experience.

I say you try to give her another chance. Almost everyone deserves a second chance. I don't know how many people I wronged in my drinking days, but if they hadn't have forgiven me, I wouldn't have these wonderful people/relationships in my life today.

I completely agree with Orange County in that she was probably hit hard by the loss of her child, needed time to grieve and now wants to make up for it.

Remember that she is only human and will never be perfect. Do the best that you can to make sure you are the best stepkid you can be and hopefully she will be the best stepmom she can be to you. It sounds like you are wanting to try and vice versa. Good luck and I am here if you need to chat.

thanks for all of ya'lls advice.i will give her another chance but i dont know if i'll i have the chance.because im haveing trouble with my father.he always put work first and me and my brother third.he always telling me about things he like to do with us but he never does it.its makeing me really depressed and i have a lot of things going on that i dont need this on top of it.so i decide to stop talking to my father for a little while.he donts seem to realize that me and my brother arnt kids any more and hes losing his chance to be a dad.he has had a lot of problems growing up and hes doing a lot not good things right now and my brother is following in his footsteps.i had somebody that was like a father to me for six years and and i was ready to call him dad but my mom broke up with him and i havent heard from him since.i dont need two fathers acting like a father when they feel like it.it hurts me too much but i think i'll call my stepmom i have a great mom i dont thnik one more would be bad

Everyone deserves another chance. As parents, we screw up all the time! My parents messed up all the time, forgiving is good for your soul too. I think if they are ready to love, let them!

I can't speak for everyone. But I am a step-mother of two teenagers. I am still in my 20s. It has been a nightmare to put it mildly, for many reasons. I agree with casper. As a step-mother, you try and try and it seems nothing you do is ever right. You back off when they tell you you are always butting in, and that is wrong too. As the step-mother you often become a perfect space goat for everything. I have a ss who will soon be 14 and has lied so much that all of my inlaws believe I am pure evil incarnate. It is not true. but because of his behavior I have become very distant with him, and rightfully so I believe. Even that is not the right thing to do. So it is very very difficult when you are the step-parent.
Also keep in mind being pregnant does things to you, and you can sometimes just be miserable all the time. Perhaps your stepmother is just having a difficult pregnancy, and may not be intending to be mean. I have one daughter with my dh and one daughter from previous marriage. All of the kids live with us full time. I end up doing all of the things the mother is supposed to be doing, even for both ss's, yet bm often gets the credit. It is very difficult.
Try as much as you can to be nice and get along with her. Eventually she will come around. You may even try talking to her about how you feel and see how it goes, or talk to your dad. It would really be a shame to just label her as the evil stepmother and never speak to them again. You could be missing out on a lot of good things by doing that.
Good luck.

I think it is great that you are giving her another chance. I have step-parents and am a step-mom and have 2 miscarriages and an ectopic so I can understand both points of view. I think most step-parents really try and do the right thing for their step-kids. They try to be involved and love the kids, but not too much because it often causes problems with the bio-parents. As a step-mom, the most challenging thing for me is being expected to love the kids (which I do), provide for them (which I do), treat them like your own (I cant compare-so I treat them like nieces and nephews), but never too much. You are a parent without a child.

Also as a woman without children of my own, it is extremely difficult to see my DH with his kids sometimes because I want so much to be a part of that family and honestly, I never will truly be because I am not the kids mom. It is hard seeing pictures of my DH with his ex and baby pictures of his kids, because there is a huge part of his life that doesnt include me. Loosing a child is extremely difficult and there is no easy way to express the damage it can do to a person. I am sure your step-mom loves you and at that time she was unable to love herself---let a lone another child. I think its easy to love your own child. From the minute a woman finds out shes pregnant she loves that baby and when that baby is lostanger almost always follows.

As a step-child, I grew up with 3 different step-dads and one step-mom. I will be eternally grateful to my step-mom because she was always consistent. She loved us, took care of us and never expected anything more than respect. I know we gave her a hard time, but no matter what she showed us strength and unconditional love. I love my mom because she is my mom, but I respect my step-mom. She is my friends and I know I can trust her.

As for your Dad, he never deserved to NOT have a chance. Sounds as though he is a loving father, as you admitted in your post. You don't just throw away a father /daughter realationship, just because you can't handle your SM. I feel, that your SM deserves another chance as well. Let me explain why.

First of all, being a SP is very tough. Doesn't matter if you are a SD or SM. It is full of challenges and heartache, but also untold joys and laughter.

My DH and I are infertile. He has a 9 yr. old son, from a previous marriage. DH and I have been TTC (trying to conceive) for almost 2 yrs now, with no luck. I will admit, there were times in the past, when I resented my SS's very existence. It is a weakness, that I am ashamed of. Why these feelings you ask? Well, because I want to be a Mom. I want to give my DH another child/children, and raise them together in a loving home. I was envious of my SS and of my DH. They were a family, and I had no child of my own, to hold, love, and comfort. I have learned, to cling to the love I have for my SS, and not to the frustration and anger of not being a Mom. I am a STEP-MOM! I am proud of my SS, and I feel like crap, because of the way I thought of him for a while. When he is older, I plan on telling him how I felt back then. He deserves to learn, from my mistakes. Honesty should be first and foremost in any relationship.

In your SM's case, miscarriage is the ultimate heartbreak. Some women feel like a failure. They are so sad, they will lash out at anyone. Perhaps she wanted to give you, your brother, and your Dad, a new baby to love. When she lost that child, she withdrew from you, because her heart had nothing in it, but pain. In that pain, she allowed jealousy to set in. Jealousy over not being a Mom. Jealousy over the fact that her DH had the two of you, and she had none. It takes some people longer that others, to overcome grief and that loss of a child. To me, it sounds as though she is finally coming around. The grief is gone and now she wants to be a part of your life. Why shut her out?

How would you feel, if someone did that to you? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I'm not saying that all of those people deserve another chance, some don't. However, losing a child is a life/mind altering experience. I don't believe, that this woman is the, "evil step-mom", you make her out to be.

Talk to her my dear. I think you will find, that pain and sorrow, were the basis for her actions. If you can't talk in person, or on the phone, write her a letter. Get the anger out and tell her how you've felt. Most importantly, ask her how she felt/feels about the miscarriage, and how it affected her thoughts toward you, your brother, and any relationship she may want back again. I encourage you, to do the same with your Dad.

Give her another chance. You might regret it, if you don't.

Keep us posted on your decision. May God grant you the wisdom to handle this problem. Good luck.

hi guys thanks for all of your replies.i do want to talk to my stepmother but i dont know if ill get the chance.my father and i have been having trouble but he donts seem to realize that.my father and stepmother lived in louisana.my brother and i lived in mississippi.i saw them every other weekend.but then about a year later they decide to move to flodia.they knew no one there and they werent moveing because of jobs.i asked my dad one time why did they move there and he had no reason.he just evaded my question.i know my father loves me and my brother but i only see him about every year and half to two years.that means i have only seen him 5 times for two weeks in 8 years.he has always threaten my mom to take away child support if he even hears about any money my mom may have.my mom cleaned houses for years.when my grandfather was alive he would help but my mom wouldnt let him help to much.my mother is a great woman and a great mother.i couldnt ask for a better mother but im getting offtrack .my dad never helped money wise unless it was going to hurt the court oder he had.talking to my father always upsets me.he moved 3 states away from his kids for no reason,wont help my mom money wise and is always breaking promises that hes going to send plane tickets.my mom has even offered to help pay for the tickets.he still wont do it.but anyway i have decided i cant do it anymore it upsets me too much.i have two father figures who only seem to care about me and my brother when it suits them.but since im not talking to my father right now i dont know how to get ahold of my stepmother.they have cellphones and no homeline.i dont know her cell number.

As in my previous suggestion, do you have an address? If so, write to her. There are other means to reach her than just via home/cell number. If you are willing to reach out to her, then nothing will stop you. Good luck my dear. Please keep us posted.

being a step mom is definatly not easy. but it may help if you sit down and talk to them and ask them why they distanced themselves from you for so long. it may give you all closure and open adoor to a new begining. good luck