
Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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my dad remarried when i was 11 i think.i wasnt invited or even told about their wedding till months later.it was my brother who told me and he didnt know either till my dad said it in passing on the phone.he lives 3 states away and i see him about every year and half.i know it donts sound like it but i know he loves me and my brother but his wife is not a very nice woman and i feel he listen to her because he donts want to be alone.when they first started to go out i was 9 she was very nice she made cookies and helped me with my bird because she had one too i thought she was cool but later she got pregant and lost the baby.after that everything changed she acted like i didnt exist.even when i was there i heard maybe four words fom her the whole time.but for the last 2 vist she has been going overboard with the mothering.to me its 6 years too late.but what i wanted to know was should i give her and my father another chance or say screw it.thanks for any advice.
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Your step mother went through a hellish experience losing her baby. Anybody who has had that happen or understand the loss will tell you its as bad as losing a live child. You can use your search engine if you want more on that subject.
People handle grief in many different ways and it appears that she ignored you while she dealt while healing herself. Unless someone is doing harm to themselves or others people are allowed to grieve how they want. We let them work through it and we don't hold it against them later on.
She has apparently decided its time to go back to being herself and even overdoing the mothering part. This could be for two reasons:
She's trying to make it up to you or she's compensating for the lost child by making you her lost child.
I would suggest you forgive her and let her continue her mothering. This would be the greatest kindness you could do for her.
I completely agree with Orange County in that she was probably hit hard by the loss of her child, needed time to grieve and now wants to make up for it.
Remember that she is only human and will never be perfect. Do the best that you can to make sure you are the best stepkid you can be and hopefully she will be the best stepmom she can be to you. It sounds like you are wanting to try and vice versa. Good luck and I am here if you need to chat.
Also keep in mind being pregnant does things to you, and you can sometimes just be miserable all the time. Perhaps your stepmother is just having a difficult pregnancy, and may not be intending to be mean. I have one daughter with my dh and one daughter from previous marriage. All of the kids live with us full time. I end up doing all of the things the mother is supposed to be doing, even for both ss's, yet bm often gets the credit. It is very difficult.
Try as much as you can to be nice and get along with her. Eventually she will come around. You may even try talking to her about how you feel and see how it goes, or talk to your dad. It would really be a shame to just label her as the evil stepmother and never speak to them again. You could be missing out on a lot of good things by doing that.
Good luck.
Also as a woman without children of my own, it is extremely difficult to see my DH with his kids sometimes because I want so much to be a part of that family and honestly, I never will truly be because I am not the kids mom. It is hard seeing pictures of my DH with his ex and baby pictures of his kids, because there is a huge part of his life that doesnt include me. Loosing a child is extremely difficult and there is no easy way to express the damage it can do to a person. I am sure your step-mom loves you and at that time she was unable to love herself---let a lone another child. I think its easy to love your own child. From the minute a woman finds out shes pregnant she loves that baby and when that baby is lostanger almost always follows.
As a step-child, I grew up with 3 different step-dads and one step-mom. I will be eternally grateful to my step-mom because she was always consistent. She loved us, took care of us and never expected anything more than respect. I know we gave her a hard time, but no matter what she showed us strength and unconditional love. I love my mom because she is my mom, but I respect my step-mom. She is my friends and I know I can trust her.
First of all, being a SP is very tough. Doesn't matter if you are a SD or SM. It is full of challenges and heartache, but also untold joys and laughter.
My DH and I are infertile. He has a 9 yr. old son, from a previous marriage. DH and I have been TTC (trying to conceive) for almost 2 yrs now, with no luck. I will admit, there were times in the past, when I resented my SS's very existence. It is a weakness, that I am ashamed of. Why these feelings you ask? Well, because I want to be a Mom. I want to give my DH another child/children, and raise them together in a loving home. I was envious of my SS and of my DH. They were a family, and I had no child of my own, to hold, love, and comfort. I have learned, to cling to the love I have for my SS, and not to the frustration and anger of not being a Mom. I am a STEP-MOM! I am proud of my SS, and I feel like crap, because of the way I thought of him for a while. When he is older, I plan on telling him how I felt back then. He deserves to learn, from my mistakes. Honesty should be first and foremost in any relationship.
In your SM's case, miscarriage is the ultimate heartbreak. Some women feel like a failure. They are so sad, they will lash out at anyone. Perhaps she wanted to give you, your brother, and your Dad, a new baby to love. When she lost that child, she withdrew from you, because her heart had nothing in it, but pain. In that pain, she allowed jealousy to set in. Jealousy over not being a Mom. Jealousy over the fact that her DH had the two of you, and she had none. It takes some people longer that others, to overcome grief and that loss of a child. To me, it sounds as though she is finally coming around. The grief is gone and now she wants to be a part of your life. Why shut her out?
How would you feel, if someone did that to you? Everyone makes mistakes, everyone. I'm not saying that all of those people deserve another chance, some don't. However, losing a child is a life/mind altering experience. I don't believe, that this woman is the, "evil step-mom", you make her out to be.
Talk to her my dear. I think you will find, that pain and sorrow, were the basis for her actions. If you can't talk in person, or on the phone, write her a letter. Get the anger out and tell her how you've felt. Most importantly, ask her how she felt/feels about the miscarriage, and how it affected her thoughts toward you, your brother, and any relationship she may want back again. I encourage you, to do the same with your Dad.
Give her another chance. You might regret it, if you don't.
Keep us posted on your decision. May God grant you the wisdom to handle this problem. Good luck.