BTW, if I thought there was the slightest chance she would actually hurt herself that would be another matter - that is only the most extreme example. Honestly, she's the happiest kid you've ever even heard of, and why wouldn't she be?

It sounds like the situation is too complicated for you and your husband to deal with alone. Have you tried individual and family counseling? I suggest both because your SD needs to learn how to deal with her emotions, and your Hubby needs to learn how to deal with his feelings of guilt. I wish you luck. Being a step parent is hard work!!

You guys definitely could use some counseling. Even if they don't go, you should go for yourself. This is what I did. It really gave me some clarity on things.

Your husband really needs to see how insane it is not to pay bills because he feels guilty and allows his child to manipulate him. It's not fair to you and, in the long run, the child pays the ultimate cost. His behavior is not loving towards either of you. Good luck!

What you are describing is a totally crazy situation. What I would do first is to separate the bank accounts. You don't need to have your money used for this blackmail. The other thing would be that I would stay as far away from her as I can, and let her know that I will not allow her to use anything of mine. Secondly, I would tell my husband that if he doesn't stop catering to this teenage tyrant, that he will be dealing with her on his own. Tell him that you will consider staying if he agrees to family counseling. Using all of the money on his daughter is absolutely crazy, so he needs some sort of counseling to get him back to understand that. I wish you the best of luck.

I figure she has a hold on him because he feels bad about the divorce. But he has a son too of @ the same age, and he said he felt really bad for him as well. But it's quite obvious who the favorite child is. Maybe he's just not as good at playing his parents. I wonder, is it possible to love someone you don't respect very much? Boy, I'm so glad I've been able to rant about this with people who understand. Thanks!

Sounds like the way my step daughters used to act. Instead of one teenage drama queen I had twins to deal with. They tried to pull a LOT of emotional crap with me and my husband. I felt like I was walking on eggshells all the time. He gave in for a while. I also, think he did that because he felt like he had to make up for his divorce as well. Your husband really has to put his foot down. Maybe he needs to have a heart to heart with his daughter or something. Once my husband stopped giving in and started acting like "dad" again things got MUCH better. Now my step daughters are 19 and we get along really well. Recently one of them even apologized for the hell she put us through (her words not mine). I just want you to know you are not alone and it can get better:))

I think that it is possible to lose respect for someone you love, and it's hard to stop loving that person because you know what they are capable of doing. I have been in a situation like that, and it is very difficult to believe that the person you love is gone. What you can do is to talk to your husband and explain that he is not seeing the situation for what it is, he is doing incredibly stupid things to make it what he wants it to be, and it will never be what he wants, so he has to reassess the situation. Maybe if you can get that across to him, he will see that parenting is not about giving a child everything they want, it's about giving them what they need, discipline included. Good luck, let us know how things go. We'll be here to help if you need to vent some more.

I am in a similar situation with my husband. No discipine because he's afraid they will leave him if they don't get their way. His oldest daughter hates me and has made that very clear, she was living with us full time and recently moved back to her Mothers becasue I am so "terrible". Now this is the same girl that I gave up my car too and I drove a beater. Of course I took the car back after a few months because of the lack of disrespect we received, but her Father went and financed a new for her the very next weekend. The only terrible thing I've done is voice my opinion about the disrespect we receive. I would never let my children behave that way and I refuse to treat his better than my own because I'm afraid they'll be mad. We can't live in a house run by teenagers. I've mentioned counseling to my husband and it has been totally shut down, he won't even talk about it.

Children with no boundries and actually crying our for them! Getting whatever they want only ensues them to continue to do whatever they can to get attention, whether it be bad or good! The word NO is important, and a counselor would help with that, I agree! I know my ss is as well the antichrist and he learned how to muniipulate when he was young and does it sooooooooo well! But your DH has to be willing to put a stop to it,,if he does not want to, you can do nothing! I do feel for you, I know exactly where you are in your heart and in your mind! My prayers and strength go out to you!