Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
My DH and I went away for the weekend. It was wonderful.
On the way up we talked about the kids' clothes again. He feels very strongly that we should continue to send clothes no matter what their mom does with them. Honestly, it irks me beyond belief to waste money on clothes that are going to end up going to Good Will.
However, he said something to me that helped me find a "change of heart". He told me that it wasn't enough that he sends his child support to help provide for his kids. He said that he wanted to get his kids additional items, clothes or whatever because he wants the kids to know that he is helping take care of them. After they left this summer and during our last visit the kids wore a lot of the clothes that we purchased for them. He said it made him feel good to see them in something that he physically bought because the kids either wear those clothes because they like them or possibly because on some level they wear them because their dad got them for them. I have to admit there is some truth to that. I know when I ask the kids what they want to wear they will often wear the outfit that they know their dad picked out for them. It may just be for kindness or because they want to be closer to their dad.
It wasn't until he presented his argument in that way that I understood why he wanted to continue doing what he was doing despite his ex. I have been so caught up in the money aspect and what's right and what's wrong, I completely failed to look into a father's heart and know that he wants to do what he's doing to bring his kids as close to him as possible. I've even decided to order the material to make a dress for my SD. Not to take home (unless she wants to, but to show support of her interests. Dad is going to help make it so it will be from both of us.
So in a nut shell, I learned that sometimes the reasons aren't what's right, wrong, or financially responsible. Sometimes the reasons are just love of a child and wanting to bring them closer when you miss them so much.
On the way up we talked about the kids' clothes again. He feels very strongly that we should continue to send clothes no matter what their mom does with them. Honestly, it irks me beyond belief to waste money on clothes that are going to end up going to Good Will.
However, he said something to me that helped me find a "change of heart". He told me that it wasn't enough that he sends his child support to help provide for his kids. He said that he wanted to get his kids additional items, clothes or whatever because he wants the kids to know that he is helping take care of them. After they left this summer and during our last visit the kids wore a lot of the clothes that we purchased for them. He said it made him feel good to see them in something that he physically bought because the kids either wear those clothes because they like them or possibly because on some level they wear them because their dad got them for them. I have to admit there is some truth to that. I know when I ask the kids what they want to wear they will often wear the outfit that they know their dad picked out for them. It may just be for kindness or because they want to be closer to their dad.
It wasn't until he presented his argument in that way that I understood why he wanted to continue doing what he was doing despite his ex. I have been so caught up in the money aspect and what's right and what's wrong, I completely failed to look into a father's heart and know that he wants to do what he's doing to bring his kids as close to him as possible. I've even decided to order the material to make a dress for my SD. Not to take home (unless she wants to, but to show support of her interests. Dad is going to help make it so it will be from both of us.
So in a nut shell, I learned that sometimes the reasons aren't what's right, wrong, or financially responsible. Sometimes the reasons are just love of a child and wanting to bring them closer when you miss them so much.
deleted_user
I am so glad that the two of you had this discussion and that you are now at peace with his decision. It does make sense when you put it like that. I know that when my son got a pair of shoes from his dad, he wore those shoes until they fell apart. He had other shoes, but he didn't want to wear them until the others had totally fallen apart. I am happy for both of you. Hopefully, the kids will get to keep more of the clothes as time goes by.
deleted_user
Yay for you both. I love hearing about the problem and the solution so thank you. So clad you guys decided that and did so together!
deleted_user
I always gave stuff directly to the kids. If Mom got rid of it let her explain to them. This was especially effective it it was a favored toy but even clothing.
deleted_user
i'm glad you have some epace in your heart over the subject.....
CosmicLibrarian
I have found, that despite what the bio-mom does, it is the child/children that matter most. It is SO very hard, to put your own feelings and frustration aside. In this case, I very glad that you did. Congrats on opening your heart! It is a great feeling, knowing that you are doing a good thing for your S-kid/kids.
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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