Step Families Support Group
Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.
My husband's ex-wife has served us with paperwork to have his rights stripped from him. The whole thing is very complicated.
He loves his little girl, but hasn't seen her in over a year. His ex-wife had him convinced that he was only allowed 2 hours of supervised visitation. However, after we received the papers I discovered that he is supposed to be able to pick up his daughter for regular visitation.
Before, she would make promises to show up and then not. Or, if his daughter was spending time with his parents and his ex-wife found out that he was there too, she would come get his little girl and refuse to let Steve around her.
Because she has made it a point to cause drama, my husband backed off. He was a child of divorced parents who hate each other and he doesn't want to make his daughter a pawn the way he was.
He is on probation, and because of that, he is behind on Child Support. We have already taken steps to have the money taken directly from his checks, but because she hasnt gotten any yet, she wants my husband to sign over his rights.
He doesn't want to sign over his rights, but he doesn't want to play tug of war and make his daughter's life miserable.
Any advise for either of us?
He loves his little girl, but hasn't seen her in over a year. His ex-wife had him convinced that he was only allowed 2 hours of supervised visitation. However, after we received the papers I discovered that he is supposed to be able to pick up his daughter for regular visitation.
Before, she would make promises to show up and then not. Or, if his daughter was spending time with his parents and his ex-wife found out that he was there too, she would come get his little girl and refuse to let Steve around her.
Because she has made it a point to cause drama, my husband backed off. He was a child of divorced parents who hate each other and he doesn't want to make his daughter a pawn the way he was.
He is on probation, and because of that, he is behind on Child Support. We have already taken steps to have the money taken directly from his checks, but because she hasnt gotten any yet, she wants my husband to sign over his rights.
He doesn't want to sign over his rights, but he doesn't want to play tug of war and make his daughter's life miserable.
Any advise for either of us?
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In my opinion your husband does not need to play tug-of-war. He made a mistake in not educating himself on his rights before, and now understands what they are fully, yes? Forward movement. It sounds as if y'all are putting in place the necessary; child support. CSEA (child support enforcement agency as it is called here in OH)can be relatively flexible in what is 'back owed'. In your budget where possible, build in an extra payment to CSEA (not the ex) to catch up on what is behind. Next fully understand your rights (your hubby's rights specifically) and demand visitation and follow through with it religiously. The court's have already set in place what his rights are, and the longer he doesn't take advantage of them the stronger her (the ex) case becomes. The only point that this would become a tug-of-war is if she refuses visitation (which typically an officer present with you when you arrive to pick up the child can and does correct that problem) - If not, she is in violation of a court order and will have consequenses to suffer legally...OR she pays an attorney now and has to prove your husband unfit in order to take his rights away.
My husband struggles with choosing to 'play tug-of-war' or not and I am always quick to offer him the view that tug-of-war may be difficult now, and you may belive you saving your son some heartache, but I truly BELIEVE that choosing NOT to battle for your rights to be his father, his daddy that he wants is more damaging and harder to overcome once he is an adult....
Food for thought....
Best of luck!
My husband and his ex went through court battles for the first few years. When we moved to another state, we were able to change the jurisdiction of the court to the new state. This put a stop to his ex filing motion after motion because it was cheap for her to file. My stepdaughters then felt as though their mother didn't care anymore because she couldn't file for custody. We had to explain why she couldn't do it, because they were so upset. Child support has nothing to do with visitation. The court will not just take away his rights as a parent because he's behind on the payments, so he shouldn't let his ex talk him into it. Have him start asserting his rights to visitation when he's supposed to have it. This will show that he is not abandoning his daughter. I wish you the best.
It's the emotional battle he doesn't want to put his daughter through. His mom used him as a pawn to get at his dad. He doesn't want his ex-wife to have that opportunity as she is far more manipulative and vindictive.
How do you battle someone that will litterally stop at nothing?
She got him convicted. Small town where he parents have connections. They actually proved him innocent but worked a deal with him instead of letting him off the hook. It was a mess.
He is worried she can not only do the legal stuff all over again, but she is using it as grounds to try and have his rights revoked.
She's already been known to show up and take her daughter forcefully from being with my husband.
He doesn't want his daughter to be split in two. Since she has a step father already, my husband feels it may be better to not fight. At the same time he really doeasnt want to let he go. But he wants to do whats best for her. Determining that has been very difficult. He's not sure what he is going to do.