Step Families Support Group

Traditionally, a stepfamily is the family one acquires when a parent enters a new marriage, whether the parent was widowed or divorced. This community is focused on many of the relationships and issues that may arise within stepfamilies where you may find answers from some members and you may help other members with their questions.

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Anybody else fed up with stepkids?

deleted_user
deleted_user
I am sick to death of dealing with stepkids! Their attitudes, behavior and downright disrespectful ways.
Told my hubby LONG ago I didn't want to raise more kids nor go through these teen years again after raising my own sons. He thought I was joking...I wasn't. And we have separated TWICE due to them!
Have dealt with death threats, protection orders, numerous court situations and even sexual abuse that dealt with BOTH my family and HIS! In fact most women have told me for YEARS they could have NEVER stayed after the one incident. But I have tried to be forgiving and yet...this particular child becomes more and more disrespectful to me.
Hubby and I fought last night over me saying something that affected him when I meant it to do with his son - NOT him. THIS is the kind of crap I am talking about! I am sick of defending myself because these kids are OUT OF HAND!
His daughter...went back into danger with her "banned by court" bio Mom and it's unreal the awful change she has made in 3 months. Looking and talking trashy that is going to get her hurt or DEAD!
This boy thinks because he's 17 and can drive...he can just take off to his 15 yr old girlfriend's whenever without asking..yet he's TOO embarrassed to have US meet her!?? What the H is THAT??
Tired if it...like I have said over and over "My hubby is SO lucky I love him as much as I do..."
deleted_user
deleted_user
Who do the kids live with? You told your husband that you didn't to raise anymore kids but you must have known he had kids before you got married right? I'm sorry you are so stressed. Have you considerd family councelling?
deleted_user
deleted_user
These kids were living with their mother when we married and there was NO intention of taking them on FULL time at that time. We took the boy in after a year because he BEGGED and we knew something was wrong. His sister remained with the mother but she was "offered" to us by her mother if she kept the support. My hubby declined. Regardless within 2 years we had to take her by FORCE due to protection issues of abuse and then later we discovered BOTH children had been sexually abused by their half-brother and the mother was involved. Therefore after time they were BANNED from her and we had them 24/7.
Counseling? Went for nearly 5 years...family and individual. I am just sick of things always in an uproar and being disrespected. It hurts as a step-parent and having to play the role as "mother" full-time that I never wanted to do. I am just upset and grow weary of the fighting.
deleted_user
deleted_user
no offence, but maybe you need to lighten up. they may be close to adult hood but teenagers are more confused than kids. they are, i suppose in a kind of purgatory. girls especially. unfortunately it comes to the fact that you arent their mother, and shouldnt be trying to take that responsibility on at such an extreme measure. could you try being their friend and talk to them about how they r feeling instead of resenting them so much. it sounds like they have had a pretty rough life when it comes to parents, and you cant blame them for trying to have a relationship with their mother, even if she is unfit in your eyes. they probably think she can fill a void in them or at least make up for the time she wasnt around. i know they look like adults physically, but in the head teens who have been through so much are usually like young children in the head. it is your husbands responsibility to disipline them, and like you said you didnt want to take that on... so dont. the more you harp on at them the more they will rebell. and maybe try to trust them, in turn they might trust you. there is nothing worse than feeling like someone is trying to replace your mum, and anyway what gives you the right. things are always 50/50. maybe you could make a bit of an effort to be nice if you want them to be also.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i know what u mean about the disrespect had the same shit happen to me in my own house i got called a bitch in front of my kids u think anything was done about it all i can say is people who let their kids do this shit to people r stupid and need a awakining i would be ashamed to not do something to my kids if they disrespected someone i will add u and talk w u some more about what i have dealt w to if u have yahoo messenger let me know easier to chat or my space
deleted_user
deleted_user
YES! YES! YES!

However, it sounds like it's the adults you should be fed up with. This is the conclusion I'm drawing in my own situation as well.

I don't want to sound discouraging but unless the adults get their acts together, it's not going to change. The focus needs to be on the parents, not the kids.

You need to talk to your husband. You guys need to present a united front. As long as there is arguing between the two of you; the kids will always get away with all sorts of crap. You guys need to be on the same page on how to handle things. If not, there's going to be chaos.

Also, how much does your husband love you???? Does he love you enough to demand his children show you some respect? Does he love his children enough to be a responsible parent to them?

They're kids. They're going to test the limits. As long as they're allowed to get away with things, they will. It's their job. It's the parents job to set some loving limits and boundaries for them.

It sounds like these children have had a rough time. It's not an excuse but it does sounds like they need some TLC. Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
i hate to tell you this but it doesn't get any better once they are adults my step kids are 22 and 20 and they still expect daddy to clean up after them when they screw up. when we married both of his kids were away interstate and i thought it would stay that way but they come home periodically, cost us a fortune and then dissapear again. i set some house rules when they were both home with thier partners, we had 6 adults living in one town house and i lost my temper one day and introduced house rules...the good news is that my husband was all for the idea but neither of the kids decided they could live with the rules and they both moved out in a matter of a couple of weeks. it seems harsh but you need to implement rules and have a family meeting to communicate this and have a punishment structure that is adhered to and spelt out right in the beginning. it is really hard for the first week but once they realise they wont get away with it they will either move or comply.
deleted_user
deleted_user
You're absolutely right, Casper. My stepdaughter can no longer live in my home. She's 20. Since her mother refuses to reinforce rules, her child can no longer live with us. She got kicked out of her place a couple months ago because she couldn't follow the rules there and her mother assumed I'd let her move back in. No way!!! I put up with madness for 6 years. I was very clear that it wasn't about my stepdaughter but about her inability to stick with the limits and rules. I'll put up with crap from afar but since she turned 18, she can no longer rule my home.
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