By being in this support group I have learned that although me being honest with my husband and my self hurts, it is the only way to clean things up and begin to heal. "The truth will set you free, but first it wil make you mad." I had to accept the unavoidable truth that if my husband and I weren't willing to bear the burden of each other's reality, we weren't realy experiecing a true marriage but only playing house. I look back now and realize that the crisis of facing the reality of my husband's addiction to porn was the crisis that demanded we finally start having a heart-deep, honest relationship based on the whole truth of both of our realities, weaknesses and all. I had to be willing to hear him talk about what was realy going on with him, including how far his addiction had progressed. I also had to be wiling to tel my husband the truth about how I felt (thanks to everyone's suggestions!). I learned that it was absoutely essential that I tell him the truth about how his actions were affecting me and our famiy. At first, I was ashamed that I coudn't speak of these things calmy, without tears and terrible pain, but I came to realize they had to be said honestly, even if that meant I had to admit the heart-rending pain I was in. I came to realize that ony the truth, even the painful part of truth, could contribute to making the situation right. I had to be plain and I had to speak truly!
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