Well I never gave my spouse the letter I wrote because I figured he probably would never read it or at least acknowledge it so I approached him yesterday with the subject again. His immediated response was why are you bringing this up again and I told him I had questions I needed answers to. I told him that if he just wasn't attracted to me I understood and I would just move on. He said he had thrown away all the dvd's and that he hadn't masturbated in over a month. I asked him if there had been hookers, strip clubs, etc. and he acted like I was accussing him of a mortal sin. I did not want this discussion to turn into an argument. He then proceeded to tell me how alot of his behavior had to do with me and my relationship with my children. I knew this discussion was at the point where he was not going to be able to deal with anymore at this time so I walked into my office to do some work. He came into the office and wanted to know why I was bringing this up again and I told him that we hadn't discussed it to the length it needed to be discussed when I approached him in July. Then I heard how he wasn't going to be beat up with this. I told him that if I had anymore questions that when I had them I would ask them when they arose. If he considered it "beating up" that was his problem and that I had the right to know about his activity. So by his reactions I feel this is going to be a really slooooooooooow process with him. I saw the very same denial from him that I saw from the exh with his gambling problem. It was sad and scary for me but I have been down this road before with my ex and I'm still on this earth. This issue has consumed so much of my time since July and now with that discussion with him yesterday I can begin to focus on other things in my life which have been pushed to the side. I know this is not over with but I can't let this consume me. I'm not angry. I actually feel alot better knowing I recognized where he was at with this problem, still not admitting the extent of his problem. No argument, no yelling, no accussations on my part, just a few questions I wanted answers to. Somethings I realized with my h and ex h, I guess it's the addict in them speaking is that they want it to escalate into an argument but say they don't, they are very quick to point out how some of it was my fault and then when I don't start defending myself they don't understand why I don't get defensive. Like I said before I've been down this road in the past and I what I learned then just naturally took over yesterday. Will I let this problem consume me, will I let my not trusting him consume me, will I let looking for evidence of his activity consume me......NO, I have a life to get on with. I don't believe I would be feeling the way I feel now if it hadn't been for my experiences with my ex, many years of counseling and of course all the information I have acquired here. Thanks for all the info, discussions, advice, venting, etc. Keep it coming, I still have a long way to go!
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